Scheduling your sex life around PTA meetings and trips to the dry cleaner is better than no sex at all.
But nothing is better than spontaneous sex.
Truth be told, busy couples in long-term relationships often need to schedule "date nights" -- setting aside blocks of time for lovemaking to ensure things don't become stale.
But there's nothing better than just doing it. No planning, no thinking ...
There is something incredibly sexy about sex that’s straight from the source. Spontaneous sex has been hailed for not only grabbing a lover’s interest, but maintaining it. It spikes a relationship’s lust factor, making lovemaking more exciting. Plus, when needed, it can get lovers out of a slump.
And it caters to our carnal nature in its "must have now, no matter how taboo" factor.
Here are some ways to invite more spontaneity into your sex life:
1. Seek the “explorer” lover.
When testing the romantic chemistry of almost 30,000 singles, love researcher Helen Fisher found the science behind successful relationships is the balance of four brain chemicals. This balance influences one’s personality type, which affects compatibility. Explorer types, ruled by dopamine, are typically novelty seekers, into risk-taking and the spontaneous.
2. Recognize that spontaneous sex is the exception to the rule.
Yes, it can happen on occasion. But plenty of people are having sex who can’t act with abandon. Among those needing to think ahead are people dealing with a sexual disorder, those carrying a sexually transmitted infection, and those who are physically challenged.
Putting too much weight on spontaneity can make for unrealistic expectations in the sack or anywhere your sex spirit moves you. Ultimately, it can impact one’s ability to recognize and enjoy gratifying sex. Don’t let spontaneity rule your sexual rewards quotient.
3. Approach intimacy as an adventure.
Think about ways you can get frisky out in public (shopping) or doing the mundane (watching TV). Then jump on the first opportunity you have to make privacy passionate. Adding new elements to your same old routine will get both of you in a mindset to tap feelings of arousal when they occur.
4. Carry condoms.
Notice the plural – as your sexual free will may beckon more than once in the same sex session. Sure, some complain that rubbers interrupt foreplay or ruin sex. But for a number of lovers, any sex whatsoever requires suiting up. Spontaneous or not, sex won’t happen unless you come prepared.
5. Evaluate your birth control.
Couples are into hassle-free sex, and this includes not thinking about contraception when a sexual opportunity presents itself. One of the best options out there in being safe, highly effective, and easily reversible is the intrauterine contraceptive. Following simple insertion at her doctor’s office, a woman hardly has to think twice about getting pregnant for the next five to seven years.
6. Reconsider what constitutes “sex” for you.
Being sexually spontaneous doesn’t have to be all about intercourse. It can involve other sex acts, like kissing, caresses, erotic talk and oral delights. Expanding your definitions of what spontaneous sex entails allows you to have more of it and amplifies the experience.
7. Consider other ways you can be sexually spontaneous.
Conscious communication about sex has been unfairly summed up as unsexy. Kill that mindset by talking about the desire you have to go with your instincts and how you can make that happen during everyday events -- for example, washing the dishes. Talking about such can cause some unexpected loin-stirring that may just have to be satiated immediately!
8. Do things that invite sexual spontaneity.
Sure, you’re planning it. But that doesn’t mean that sex isn’t spontaneous for the object of your affections. Declare that you’re going to make an impromptu candlelight dinner. Give an unexpected massage. Do things that are likely to invite automatic amour from your lover.
9. Plan for spontaneity.
Arrange for anything you desire to be in place when sexual impulses strike. Have everything you need for amazing sex within your reach (think lubricant or vibrator). This includes having your titillating travel bag full of absolute essentials to making love almost anywhere.
10. Take care of your sexual functioning.
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is known for sidelining sexual spontaneity. Research in the "Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy" reported that men with ED scored lower on sexual spontaneity than men without ED. So address such concerns as soon as they present themselves, being sure to maintain a healthy lifestyle in fending off some factors involved in ED and other sexual disorders.
11. Think about how you define “spontaneity.”
The “myth of sexual spontaneity” has brainwashed us to think that sexual desire and arousal are an unconscious process. Suddenly, we’re acting on instinct, with sex determined by reflexive bodily impulses.
Sure, this is hot. But there’s something equally hot about instantly having sex that you’ve been lusting for, hoping for, planning for all day. Spontaneous may just be that you’re taking advantage of the opportunity when it finally presents itself.
Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."