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Action on ACORN? Don't Hold Your Breath

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President Obama was billed to America as "the uniter" and he would heal all partisan divisions.

Now, we know how that has worked out, but I'm not sure why America turned to him for unity, when really there are only a couple of things that Democrats and Republicans can agree on.

One of them — I think — is hookers. And right now the left and right seem to be uniting on ACORN, who was caught helping start brothels with illegals, etc., etc.

Here's the latest: The unlikely duo of Barney Frank and John Conyers are now calling for an investigation into the embattled group. They wrote a letter to the non-partisan Congressional Research Service.

OK, it's not an "investigation" per se — that would be crazy; that would make too much sense.

Instead, they've asked for a "comprehensive report" on all activities and funding surrounding ACORN; whether or not Congress violated the Constitution in voting to de-fund ACORN, and if the two kids who went undercover violated any laws.

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I know John Conyers' name is right there on the letter, but how can you trust this guy when he first votes to send the ACORN de-funding bill back to committee, then later, someone (the powers that be?) must have said "uh, really?" so he comes back out on the floor and says:

"Mr. Speaker, today I inadvertently cast a 'yea' vote for a motion to recommit on H.R. 3200 and did not vote for final passage…. I intended to vote 'no' on the motion to recommit and 'yea' on final passage of the bill."

Sure you did. You really have a handle on this bill — so much so, that when you crawled back up for a re-do, you called it H.R. 3200. The bill is actually hr 3221. Geez, John — what is it, would you say, that you actually do all day? We know you don't read the bills:

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. JOHN CONYERS, D-MICH.: I love these members, they get up and say, 'Read the bill!' What good is reading the bill if it's 1,000 pages and you don't have two days and two lawyers to find out what it means after you read the bill?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

There are about 15 million unemployed folks in America right now. I bet one of those people would be willing to take your job and actually read bill, then just say yes or no — how hard is that?

The IRS has nearly $2 million in liens against ACORN for failing to pay taxes…and nothing…

Bertha Lewis and the ACORN Advisory Council said they will "assist" in naming an independent auditor and investigator to conduct a thorough review. That's fantastic! I wonder if we could have got Ken Lay to do an internal investigation into Enron.

They have selected an investigator, but still, no audit. Why didn't this advisory board — tasked with helping ACORN get down to the bottom of things — select an auditor? Well, let's look at who's on that board:

Kathleen Kennedy Townsend — she's the eldest child of RFK and the former lieutenant governor of Maryland. She serves on the board of the radical Center for American Progress. Wait a minute — that's George Soros and John Podesta's group, but we'll get to Podesta in a minute. Townsend is also the founder of the Maryland Student Service Alliance. That was created to make Maryland the first — and still only — state that forces high school students to do community service as a condition to graduate.

Oh and one more thing: In 1996, Kennedy-Townsend gave an award to Baltimore's current top prosecutor. Her name is Patricia Coats Jessamy. You may recognize her name: She's the one who is going after the kids who shot the undercover ACORN video and not ACORN itself.

Gee, that makes perfect sense. Luckily, Maryland's attorney general wants an investigation.

Next is SEIU President Andy Stern — hmm, no red flags there. SEIU is essentially ACORN, just unionized. Two of SEIU's locals are ACORN affiliates. And then, there's the Obama connection: Stern told The Los Angeles Times he visits the White House about once a week. That doesn't sound surprising, does it?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: Before debating health care in the Senate, I talked to Andy Stern.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

Next up, former Housing and Urban Development chief Henry Cisneros. He served under President Clinton. He's great — he pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI during background checks before his confirmation. ACORN reports it met with Cisneros on a monthly basis while Cisneros led HUD.

Following him, there's good old John Podesta of the Center for American Progress who was allegedly hand-picked for the job by George Soros. Podesta co-chaired of Barack Obama's transition team. ACORN likes him so much that they gave him an award at their anniversary party this summer — during the time he was mounting a public defense of them.

John Banks, he's the vice-president of government relations at Con Edison. There's not much information on him, but Con Ed is a big funder of ACORN.

The next member is Harvey Hirschfeld. He's the president of a firm called LawCash that gives loans to people who are filing lawsuits. ACORN refers clients to him in Brooklyn.

Then you have Eric Eve, he's a senior VP at Citigroup. He helped New York ACORN plan its 25th anniversary party. How cute! He was a special assistant to President Clinton and also Al Gore's former New York campaign manager.

And last but not least, there's Dave Beckwith of the Needmor Fund. What's the fund's mission? "To work with others to bring about social justice." Shockingly, Needmor gives money to ACORN's affiliates. Beckwith is a community organizer and has been since the '70s. He's proud to announce that he learned community organizing from the guy who learned from the guy who learned from Saul Alinsky.

Well, I feel a whole lot better now. Forget what I said about shutting down ACORN. I think this organization will be all buttoned up by... Tuesday.

Now, you may be a new viewer to the program who's like "Apollo Alliance, what's that? ACORN, huh?" My own daughter said to me "Dad, I don't understand the whole Tides Foundation."

It is confusing — I know I probably look like Russell Crowe from "A Beautiful Mind" trying to lay it all out for you. But it's very difficult to demonstrate because it's so massive and there are so many groups.

Let me give you the easy way to remember the basics of all of these groups: All of their names mean something.

ACORN — it's a seed. Don't get discouraged, be patient, stay focused — because one day that seed will grow into a mighty oak.

The Apollo Alliance got its name after the Apollo moon-shot — it was big, bold, fast and once it was launched, no one would be able to stop it.

The SEIU — well, they are just a bunch of union thugs, so they don't need a fancy name. They just bust up your kneecaps.

The president sees these groups as the vehicle to achieve his goals, because the Founders didn't address redistribution of wealth in the Constitution:

(BEGIN AUDIO CLIP)

OBAMA: The Supreme Court never ventured into the issues of redistribution of wealth.... The tragedies of the civil rights movement was — because the civil rights movement became so court focused, I think there was a tendency to lose track of the political and community organizing and activities on the ground that are able to put together the actual coalition of powers through which you bring about redistributive change.

(END AUDIO CLIP)

And then, behind it all, there is the Tides Foundation. Their founder describes it as this: "Tides was created to provide comprehensive flexible services and tools to those dedicated to lasting progressive social change."

And while they do legitimate things, they are also involved in the nasty of the nastiest. Take the Rathke brothers — both in ACORN, one embezzled, the other didn't. The founder of Tides gave hundreds of thousands of dollars to make it all go away.

That's what Tides does — just like when you leave footprints in the sand — they wash things away.

And you'd never know anyone was ever on the beach.

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