Nothing invites conversation like sex "nevers." Not only are there plenty to discuss, but these warnings are so juicy.
Take the title of my second book, “Sex with Your Ex & 69 Other Things You Should Never Do Again... Plus a Few That You Should.” People can’t get enough of the topic, with great debate always ensuing over whether exes should indeed "never" get back in the sack.
Sex "nevers" can rule your sex life, for better or for worse. While it’s said “some rules are meant to be broken,” some "nevers," like the dozen that follow, tend to be words to the wise when it comes to your sex life. . .
1. Never have a "type" of orgasm — have your orgasm.
We’re always hearing about the types of climax possible in realizing your sexual satisfaction. I certainly write about them regularly. But instead of trying to have a breast, clitoral, G-spot or blended orgasm, forget the labels and have yours. Don’t worry about having a specific type, but focus on pampering your whole body, attending to any of its hot spots. This beckons your orgasm by not being so goal-oriented.
2. Never talk about past sexual relationships.
“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” needs to apply to all of the sexual trysts you’ve ever had anywhere. Don’t invite distress into your current romance by reminiscing about the good times or bad times you’ve had with other jerks, hotties, players, loves... No good can come of kissing and telling. Focus on the present and making it the most memorable.
3. Never let sex get routine.
While it’s wise to get in a routine to make sure sex happens, don’t let the sex itself get routine. This only invites monotony and the mundane. With the carnal becoming common, lovers start to feel like they’re just going through the motions. To keep things hot, be sure to keep things new and fresh.
4. Never just lie there.
A big complaint you’ll hear from men and women alike is that their lover didn’t do much of anything during sex. Men have grumbled that she doesn’t move during lovemaking. Most people like an active lover — one responsive to the action, which shows that they’re into the moment.
5. Never move in together (or get married) a second time.
Unless you’re hoping that an eventual “third time’s the charm” will do the trick, don’t press replay when it comes to cohabitating or getting hitched. Things didn’t work out the first time for good reason. Maybe you love each other, but if you’re incompatible or fight too much, it’s better to cut your losses and move on to a situation that does work.
6. Never drink cheap beer and stay overnight.
While your choice beverage may have made things a hoot last night, it runs the risk of making you toot the next morning. Don’t set yourself up to be someone’s gassy guest. Get the walk of shame over with sooner rather than later, lest you stink up someone’s bedroom and bathroom. This is not the kind of lasting impression most seducers are after.
7. Never drink more than 1-2 glasses of alcohol.
While spirits can do a lot for one’s spirits, sexual self-confidence, and libido, keep your booze to a minimum. More than a couple of glasses can cause erectile difficulties in men and vaginal dryness in women. Being buzzed or drunk can also lead to high-risk sexual behaviors. So make sure you milk your glass, enjoying more of the intimate encounter than the experience of being intoxicated.
8. Never compare yourself to Victoria’s Secret or Abercrombie models.
Unless you, too, have access to air-brushing, it does not do you any good to think that these real-life moving mannequins are the standard by which you should judge your face or form. You’ve got your own unique look and that can be super sexy, depending on how you wear it. That starts with a smile and indicating to others that you feel quite good about yourself.
9. Never totally trust magazine sex tips.
Put a doughnut around his "manhood" and slowly nibble it off? Put your underwear in the freezer? What? These are just a couple of the sex tips popular press magazines have suggested when it comes to amping up the action. While their creativity is to be admired, don’t mindlessly go through the motions. Think about the suggestion first. Is it hot or completely ridiculous? Will it work for your sexual relationship? Or does it have the potential to sabotage your sex life?
10. Never douche before sex.
Despite popular belief, douching is not a safe or healthy way to clean the vagina. Doing so upsets the vagina’s delicate chemical balance, increasing your chance of developing pelvic inflammatory disease or other health problems. Let the vagina naturally cleanse itself and worry about other much sexier activities pre-sex.
11. Never attempt tricky Kama Sutra positions if you are not flexible.
While looking like a pretzel may lead to more passion, you’re not going to get any action if you’re throwing out your back. Stick with pursuing sexual positions that are comfortable for you. Good sex doesn’t require becoming a sexual gymnast.
12. Never listen to somebody slamming your sexy self.
Is a guy suggesting that you get breast implants? Is some gal making fun of your penis size? In either case, ignore the criticism, or in the very least, fire back with something like, “What do you care? You’ll never get a piece of me anyway...”
Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."