You want her oh-so-badly. But she wants to shower first. Talk about a mood killer.
Still, you can’t blame her. Her body has been deemed “dirty” throughout the ages. So it’s only natural that her legs are crossed, wares closed for cleaning. She can’t get in the mood until she's pristine for passion.
But what’s the big deal? You were planning to become one sweaty mess anyway... Sound familiar? There are ways to counter her compulsion to be clean.
Having good hygiene has always been an important part of human seduction. In wooing a lover, looking and smelling fresh always works in your favor. But over time and becoming well acquainted, being immaculate isn’t always expected. Some lovers even feel bonded by being able to embrace each other in their most natural states.
While “dirty girl” has been made hip in recent years, dirty genitals are still a totally different story. The female reproductive system is something that’s still pathologized, something to be feared. We see this in the way women are shamed into buying products that will make our genitals “clean” and “odor-free.”
From the time we hit puberty, females are expected to buy feminine hygiene products, like douches and deodorant sprays, despite the damage they can cause. We’ll supposedly stink if we don’t spritz ourselves with "island splash" or wash with "fresh scent" rinse.
This is especially true if we’re menstruating. Instead of being seen as a time of pregnancy preparation, our period, a.k.a. “the curse,” has been cast as an inconvenient state of decay. Add to this the fact that a woman is labeled “soiled” if she’s no longer a virgin, and you’ve got a gal with a major complex.
So what’s a lover to do?
Let your partner know how much you love pleasuring her and how much you like her in her natural state. Stress that she doesn’t have to shower or bathe every single time you are about to have sex.
Explain that her natural scent turns you on — and her body discomfort turns you off. Point out that the need to wash before lovemaking indicates or reinforces that there is something “wrong” with a person’s body.
Even a lover who doesn’t think twice about scent will start to wonder what’s up "down there." After all, a funky genital smell may be a sign of infection, which may require a medical check-up.
Ladies, if you’re down and out over your supposedly dirty genitals, remind yourself that they are perfectly healthy when bathed with soap and warm water on a daily basis.
Given that most females are raised with the idea that their genitals are “dirty,” it may take a while for either party to undo the damage that has been done. Positive reinforcement over time should, however, help the cause. In the meantime, use water as part of your foreplay.
Stripping down to your birthday suits for some wet-n-wild shower or bath play can help to alleviate concerns while keeping things hot. In making the most of the moment, light aromatherapy candles, like jasmine or ylang-ylang, for a sensual feel.
Add bubble bath, bath fizzies or rose petals for some playful, peek-a-boo action. Grab a waterproof sex toy, like ‘I Rub My Duckie’ or the Sonic Ring, in getting warmed up. Or allow massage jets to pulse against your hot spots.
As you wash each other, explore every part, enthralling yourself with every slippery curve and crevice. Let your tongue trace the trail of your fingers for some oral action.
All of these efforts will help both of you to relax in your ‘natural scent is scintillating’ campaign, hopefully washing away any inhibitions you have about getting down and dirty.
Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."