What’s the theme song of your sex life? For many lovers, it’s “Satisfaction” by the Rolling Stones. That “I can’t get no satisfaction” line captures their sexual appetite – or rather the fact that they’re starving for more action.
With spring in the air, some lovers are feeling friskier than ever. They’re also more annoyed than ever that their partners are not.
But these regular sexual sabbaticals can end here. There are plenty of ways to make sure you’re on the same page when it comes to the pursuit of passion. Here are some tips to have you going at it like rabbits when the summer solstice comes around.
First, you need to figure out if your tortoise-and-hare sex situation is a fairly recent development or if this sexual incompatibility has always been so. Any number of life events, for example, childbirth, stress, or loss of a loved one, can slow one’s sex drive at any point. Some will heal with time. Others require some TLC.
Sexual difficulties, like problems attaining orgasm, a waning sex drive, or erectile dysfunction can also have one partner far from looking forward to lovemaking. Fortunately, these issues can be addressed with the help of your doctor and/or sex therapist.
If you can’t put your finger on anything in particular, assess how your relationship has evolved. You may have started out pawing at each other to no end, but as passion cooled, loving efforts may have tapered off. Simple actions like holding hands, playful pats and lusty lip-locks can have both of you craving a deeper sexual connection in no time.
With that, recall how you used to woo each other into bed before your romance recession. Have hugs and cuddling typically led to sex? Do you need to pull a lucky outfit out of retirement? Have you usually fared well in taking the time for an all-out date? Basically, what do you need to reinstitute?
In further getting things going in the bedroom, do everything in your power to subtly sell your partner on the idea of more sex. You can do this by:
1. Entice your partner with orgasm exploration. Read up on the many types of peaking men and women can have, and let your lover know that you want to explore how both of you can reach new climactic heights.
2. Incorporate fantasy throughout the day. Plant seeds in your partner’s head of things you know spark interest. Share a hot thought you had involving an erotic moment you once shared. Describe body parts you miss touching and how you’re consumed with longing. Rent a movie with a sexy or romantic storyline. Pursue anything that will put your lover in a sensual state of mind.
3. Stay connected when you do have sex. Don’t make sex about physical gratification alone. Truly worship your lover and hail the lovemaking as a celebratory experience ― one you can’t get enough of.
4. Keep things novel and spicy in and out of the bedroom. In exploring what turns both of you on when it comes to sex, you can broaden your sexual repertoire. You want to make your lover feel like you’re embarking on an adventure, not just going for a simple roll in the hay.
5. Look your best. While we can’t look like our supermodel selves 24/7, putting effort into your appearance helps you put out more persuasions. You’ll be harder to resist.
6. Engage in verbal foreplay. While men often need sex to feel loved, women often need to feel loved before they engage in sex. The more you engage in all types of erotic talk ― affectionate, romantic, sexy ― the more you’ll pique your lover’s interest.
7. Consider how you size up sexual satisfaction. Does sex always have to end in intercourse? Many couples will tell you that they have great sex without engaging in intercourse at all. So rethink your pleasure and the different ways you can realize sexual satisfaction that don’t necessarily require going “all the way.”
Lastly, don’t forget that honesty is the best policy. Talking openly to each other about what sex means to you without being demanding or putting expectations on each other is often necessary. You may just find that your partner needs more satisfaction too!
Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."