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Dennis Miller on Obama's Speech to Congress, Danica Patrick's Airbrushed Tattoo

This is a rush transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," February 25, 2009. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

Watch "The O'Reilly Factor" weeknights at 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. ET and listen to the "Radio Factor!"

BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: Our pal Dennis watched the president's speech last night and talked about it on his syndicated radio program today. He joins us now from Los Angeles. Your assessment, please.

Click here to watch Miller Time!

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, first off, Bill, I want to say happy Ash Wednesday. I can see you, like me, decided not to get the smudge on the forehead.

O'REILLY: No, I got my ashes. I got my ashes at St. Patrick's Cathedral today, but makeup covers it, you know? The Botox and the makeup, that kind of obliterates it. But I did get my ashes.

MILLER: I didn't get them. I didn't get them because I didn't want Al Gore running me down and telling me I was a denier. So I stayed away from the carbon thing this year.

But as far as the president's speech goes, listen, I like Barack Obama. I think he's a smooth character. And I'm just glad, you know — they're so eager to get our money, I'm just glad he didn't put it on pay-per-view.

He got rid of the buzzkill thing. He seemed a little more optimistic. I was pleased that he acknowledged we'd been in a war for seven years. Heretofore they'd been referring to it as a fracas with some noisy neighbors or something or whatever the hell they're calling it. He said we'd been in a war. Good for him.

The only thing I have trouble with is I do not know why the left is so eager, so hell-bent on the diminution of our most noble narratives. You know, I never got Michelle Obama for a long time until I saw her speak about her father at the Democratic National Convention and how he got up and worked at two jobs. Then I connected with her.

And I don't know why they're so eager to give that over and make Atticus Finch into Chuck Schumer at this point. You know, I think we want to suckle from our mothers, not from the Capitol dome. And when they're so eager to put the state into all these noble stories about people fighting to get up and out, I just don't understand that.

O'REILLY: Obviously, the left though wants a big government to run a nanny state. That's what they want. New York Times, the lead editorial says nanny state all day long.

Now, I was impressed, and I bet you were, too, as a guy who tries to stay in shape, at Nancy Pelosi's aerobic power last night. I mean, the woman made Richard Simmons look comatose. Up and down, in and out. And then there was this highlight. Roll the tape:

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: There is, of course, another responsibility we have to our children. That's the responsibility to ensure that we do not pass on to them a debt they cannot pay.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

O'REILLY: So she is — she jumps up, and she's the one that's running up the debt. Does she not know that? She is the one blowing everything out of the park fiscally. "No, no, no, we don't want to leave anybody in debt." I'm not getting it. Are you getting it?

MILLER: I just want to tell all the parents out there who are looking to pre-order that toy for Christmas, it's called the hack in the box, OK? The hack in the box.

You know, when she was sitting down, I thought she was a little somnambulant. I thought somebody had pumped a sedato-dart into her haunch, because if that look had gotten any more vacant, I would have thought she had been foreclosed on. And you can see, when there's money involved, she's up like a seal at Sea World. God bless her.

O'REILLY: I like that image.

All right. Now, the Oscars, you're a showbiz kind of guy. You had the lead role in "Bordello of Blood," as I remember. And you watched the program. What did you think?

MILLER: I think I lost for "Bordello of Blood" to Paul Scofield in "A Man for All Seasons."

O'REILLY: It was close though. I voted for you.

MILLER: Thank you, Bill. Listen, I did not watch it this year. I watched the last three events. I was out having dinner with my son. I thought it was a little odd when I saw the clip the next day of Heath Ledger winning, which I thought was well deserved. I thought he was great. I think they could have taken down the Joker thing over his parents' shoulders. I mean, they talk about how he couldn't escape that role, and it led him into a dark place. It might have been a nice touch when they showed the nominees to show that. And then, as his parents came up, his mom, dad, sister, maybe blend into a beatific boyish shot of Heath. I would have liked that touch. But that's just me. I'm a bit of a softy.

Listen, I thought that Sean Penn is a great actor, but I had a caller to my show, Bill. You tell me if this isn't a brilliant call. A woman named Melanie from Massachusetts. She said, "Does Sean Penn realize that the same president that he's praising as elegant, had he been a California resident, would have voted for Proposition 8?" He said on record that he is not for gay marriage. I sometimes think...

O'REILLY: Yes, right, we pointed that out. Melanie probably listened to "The Radio Factor" and then called you, because we had said that. But look, Penn doesn't care about the truth. You know that. He's a big Hugo Chavez guy, a Raul Castro guy. He just wants to showboat up there. That's what it's all about.

Let me ask you this though. When they cut away from Jennifer Aniston, you know, nice woman, it seems to me, to Jolie and Pitt, twice when she was onstage, I thought that was really insulting and cruel.

MILLER: I think Jennifer Aniston is cool enough to not care. She could care less.

O'REILLY: Probably right. But don't you think that was inappropriate?

MILLER: Bill, I think show business, to a large degree, is about us celebrating inappropriateness. There's a lot of nobility in it, too. They do some nice charity work, but let's face facts. We love to ogle the train wreck, and showbiz is the train wreck.

O'REILLY: OK.

MILLER: It's a bit of a harmless train wreck. It's like Nerf life.

O'REILLY: OK. Now finally, in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, which I know you've perused, they washed out Danica Patrick's tattoo. What was that all about? Are tattoos not sporty anymore?

MILLER: Well, let me say this right upfront, Bill. While I think that Danica Patrick has a fine bum, I must tell you it's not in my wife's bum's league. My wife has the mask of Nefertiti of bums. I had to bring a survey team in to analyze why it's so perfect. They said it has something to do with cantilevering. So while I think Danica Patrick has a fine derriere, I must put it only at the top of the second tier of bumdom. Having said that...

O'REILLY: Go ahead.

MILLER: …I have to ask you, are we going to do a serious — are we trying to just show the — I got the feeling when I watched this today, Bill, I was running footage of the bum, so they watch tonight. Are we going to have a serious discussion? I can go both ways and fake a serious discussion of First Amendment violations if you want to. I assume we're just trying to run these shots, right?

O'REILLY: Tattoos are so big in our culture now, and they wash it out. I didn't know why. I'm not hip, Miller. You're the hip guy.

MILLER: All right.

O'REILLY: I count on you for, No. 1, marital updates, thank you. And No. 2, hipness. Hipness, Miller.

MILLER: Then if we're doing the — if we're cloaking this in the serious First Amendment g-string, let me say this. What has happened to my country when they take a tattoo off a tookus and they don't consult the owner of the tookus? What has happened to my America?

O'REILLY: Well said.

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