Newsflash! Even the manliest of men get the blues when it comes to breakups. They too can be spotted sulking on the couch, pint of ice cream in hand, crying like a baby as they watch the prom scene from Pretty In Pink. Okay, maybe not that movie, but you catch the drift. Men's lifestyle expert Oliver "Ali" Nejad has 5 tips to help even the most depressed dumpee get back out there.
If you’ve never had a breakup, then chances are you’re not doing something right – you’re doing something wrong (namely being too compromising and agreeable). Breakups are important relationship experiences that help us grow as people, and gain perspective heading into future relationships. Despite this reality however, most of us would trade all the silver lining in the world to ditch the breakup cloud altogether.
Breakups can, but don’t have to be difficult events. To help ease the pain, and get you back in the saddle ASAP, I’ve compiled the following battle-tested tactics. (Bear in mind that if you broke up with her then you really shouldn’t need to be reading this, so let’s assume you are the dumpee and not the dumper here.)
1) Cut the cord. Umbilical, phone, bungee … whatever literal or metaphorical representation of your dependence on, or attachment to your ex exists, it needs to be severed. This isn’t rehab where you gradually lower your dose for 4-6 weeks, this is operation frozen turkey. So delete her number from your phone to prevent that moment of weakness where you stare at the cell phone wallpaper of you two through the fishbowl vision your welled up eyes have left you, navigate to her name and erase (relax, it’s not like you don’t remember the number or that it isn’t backed up to your SIM card anyways, this is just a deterrent). Round up and exchange all your respective belongings to keep from having future excuses to see each other. Take down the pictures. Delete her folder on your computer. Put away the gifts she gave you if you can’t disassociate them from her (clothes, accessories, housewares, etc.). Get the rent, bills, debt, and any other money matters fully settled. And then prepare to…
2) Stop sulking! Yes, you loved her so much, yeah you had great times, maybe it came out of left field, you can’t believe she left you for someone else, etc. No one is telling you that getting dumped is fun or fair, but I am telling you it isn’t the end of the world. Stop rolling your eyes because I’m serious: IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, let alone yours. Whatever it is that your ex saw in you initially is still in you, and is bound to be attractive to someone new and improved. But girlfriend 2.0 will never see those qualities because you’re too busy cooped up at home wiping tears off of photo albums, and repeating the most depressing playlist ever assembled. Happiness is the most powerful aphrodisiac on earth, and the moment you shed a sense of sadness and replace it with a sense of excitement for what’s to come is the moment you’ll notice women noticing you again.
3) Stay active. This is easily the most generic of the advice I am going to give you, but I have to give it to you because it works. Now active in this sense doesn’t necessarily mean physically, although this is very helpful. Physical activity typically gets you out of the house, around people, and exhausted enough to avoiding being a depressive insomniac when it comes time to go nighty-night. Mental activity is just as important a supplement to keep your mind from entering an idle, gateway-to-that-dark-place state. Board games, video games…pop open a minesweeper window if you have to—just do something to keep your noodle busy!
4) Saddle up. Horses, fish, whatever you want to call them, they’re out there and waiting for you! So even if it pains you or feels contrived, go through the motions of putting yourself into environments and situations where you can meet people. It’s parallel to the studies that show forcing a smile can actually help improve mood. And you don’t have to go to a bar or a club. You can meet people without even going out of your way. The grocery store and planes are two of my favorite places to passively make acquaintances (you should be buying groceries or traveling for a different reason in case that needs to be said). The dog park (have a dog, don’t be a creeper), and restaurant/bars (you’re there to eat) are also good.
5) Care about your personal appearance more than you normally would. Look, feel, and smell clean, it’ll help you feel better and conceal the mangled emotional mess on the inside. And once you’ve cultivated all this to meet someone, don’t instantly ruin it by bringing up the breakup/your ex. I promise you nothing is more repulsive to a good woman than damaged goods. It’s like buying canned food with a dent in it … it’s probably not botchilism, but why risk it?
Think of a version of the real life “Van Wilder” and you have found Oliver “Ali” Nejad. With a broad and rich knowledge of everything from cars, computers, and hi-tech gadgetry; to dating, collegiate culture, and sports; to music, movies, and poker, Nejad is the ultimate envelope pushing “man’s man.”
Recognized for his success in the poker world, Nejad has made a career out of more than just the gamble of a good hand. The multi-talented Nejad has been coined “The King of Poker Commentary,” having hosted or served as the play by play man and color commentator on a variety of shows including: FSN’s Poker Superstars II, NBC’s National Heads-up Poker Championship, the internationally seen Ultimate Poker Challenge, NBC’s Poker After Dark (on in 13 countries), and ESPN’s Pro-Am Poker Equalizer. Nejad also contributes as a Men’s Lifestyle expert to a slew of shows and sites including TheUltimateTailgater.com and FOX’s Red Eye. For more info: www.olivernejad.com