This topic can never be tackled enough. The consequences of ignoring it are huge, which is why it’s great that I get asked about it quite often. Whether a swinging single, in a fledgling new love affair or a seasoned sex enthusiast, everyone wants to know: How do I make sure my sex life never gets boring?
This is an excellent question because every couple, eventually, gets to a point where those Thai leftovers in the fridge look a lot better than their lover. Partners who fail to get proactive with passion wake up one day to find that their sex life has been relegated to a once-in-a-while, check-your-watch, hide-your-yawn, feign-enthusiasm sort of obligation. It nearly goes without saying that every lover in a relationship must make special efforts to ensure that things never get dull.
These passion-inducing attempts can include the following:
1. Initiate Some E-Sex Before Your Next Rendezvous
It's a playful and subtle, but a make no mistake way of suggesting potential fantasies to act out. Plus, e-sex lets your desires for your love be known, acting as a fun form of foreplay. You could either write about what you're going to do to your lucky lover the next time you let yourselves get all sexy or what you want to have done to you.
If you're a little shy, don your erotica writer hat. Describe a carnal couple going at it instead, remembering that your power of persuasion is in the dirty details. Go heavy on amorous adjectives. Your lover is sure to get the hint that it’s really the two of you you’re talking about. Revisiting the e-sex later in bed is sure to have major payoffs.
2. Reinvent Yourself
Sexy means sporting a well-groomed, passion-inducing presentation. For starters, clean up your act. Stop burping and passing gas — if you can at all help it. Don’t wear clothes you need to sniff to learn if they’re clean. Dress for a sexy state of mind. Act like you’re the hottest thing to ever walk this earth. Foster your lover’s sense of sexiness as well.
You can do this by paying your partner compliments. Or you can ask him to wear fabrics that make you want to be touched all over. Or buy her outfits that test the waters for more daring sexual escapades. For example, Agent Provocateur sells very feminine, sexy items like collars, whips and tassels that may encourage her to take charge in bed. Regularly recreating your sexual images helps the two of you to keep each other erotically engaged.
3. Play Up P.D.A.
While “get a room” public display of affection is often unsexy (at least to those forced to witness the groping), a little bit of P.D.A. can go a long way. Touch your partner a lot while you're out, even when you’re in the car on the way home. The more interest you show before you get to your boudoir, the more responsive and excited your lover will become as you make foreplay more of an out-and-about affair than a mere pre-game warm up.
4. Temperature Check
A scorching hot sex life is highly dependent on how your relationship reads. Lovers tend to be reflections of each other. So you want to ask if you’re treating your partner the way you’d want to be treated. Make an effort to talk and listen to one another daily. Show interest in your lover. Doing so helps to thwart any negative energy and keeps the two of you connected — all of which encourages amorous action in the boudoir.
5. Explore Third-Party Action ...
... with a sex toy, that is. There's potential in every sexual enhancement product, even the ones that seem lame. Have a ball testing the wide variety of products available to you, even if a few take you back to the basics, forcing you to enjoy the more simple pleasures and sensations of sex. The more you can make sexplay an exploration — full of fresh adventures — the more you’ll want to embark upon these erotic expeditions.
6. Gamble Your Way to More Game
Make a bet with your lover. The best part is that both of you win, with the loser needing to do something (that must be stated ahead of time) sexual or kinky, with unusual being key. Funny is even better.
7. Help Out
It’s simple, but often overlooked. Do things for each other, showing gratitude in the form of favors. Knowing what kind of “reward” you’re going to get for your chivalrous efforts can also make the mundane, like washing your beloved’s car, much more fun.
8. Hang Out
Happy lovers tend to be good friends. They enjoy spending time together. So date — and do it on a regular basis. This can be as simple as a picnic in the park, a day at the beach, dinner at home, hot tubbing, or an evening of dancing. You can also, on occasion, steal off to a country inn, take a ski trip, or go camping. No matter what you choose to do, remember that your goal is to spend quality time together.
9. Pick Each Other Up
Plan a rendezvous in which the two of you act out roles in public. For example, meet in a bar as strangers, being sure to assign roles ahead of time, such as she’s a married woman trolling for a one-night stand. Stay in character until you get home.
Dr. Yvonne Kristin Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."Click here to read more FOXSexpert columns.