So I think I figured out why Wall Street is in a crap-load of trouble: It's Hollywood.
See, every month a movie comes out containing a familiar scene with a single mother or a farmer or a single mother farmer, entering a bank to get a loan. The loan would help save her home, her company or pay for her sick daughter's breast implants. Of course, the evil banker sees she's a risk and turns her down. Because in movies, the banker is always the bad guy — it's worse than being white.
So how funny is it that in real life it's that evil banker who's the good guy?
Think about it: If bankers had actually said no to people who really couldn't afford their dream homes, we wouldn't be in this mess.
OK, it's not that funny. But can you really blame the bankers for this? After decades of being painted as evil folks, it must feel great to let a couple of meth-heads afford their first domicile that didn't have wheels. I kid about the meth-heads.
But bankers aren't the only victims in Hollywood. There, the good guys are always bad and the bad guys always good. That killer on death row is more Christ-like than Christ and the cop who put him there is Satan. Serial killers are played by Brad Pitt and hookers by Julia Roberts.
Oh those whores, in films they have a heart of gold, instead of incurable syphilis.
So look at this financial crisis as a lesson that it's the people Hollywood hate most who make the world go round. Once jerky bankers go back to being jerky bankers, everything will be fine again. It isn't much of a Hollywood ending, but it's a happy one.
And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.
Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.