So on The Huffington Post, blogger David Weiner basks in the biggest scoop of his life — reporting that Cindy McCain's recipe for butterscotch cookies is eerily similar to one belonging to Hershey's. Weiner realized that both recipes require three cups of oats, and the same 3/4 cup of brown sugar.
But that’s not all, fans of Woodward and Bernstein. In both recipes, you must set the oven at 350 degrees. I'm getting goose pimples, people. This is real journalism — not the kind of crap you find in Highlights!
But if Weiner wasn't such a wiener, or had he ever lived with women, he would have known that there's no such thing as an original recipe for anything, ever. My mom and three sisters possess files of recipes, crammed full of torn out pages from Redbook, Ladies Home Journal, Betty Crocker adverts, and even a Blueboy or two.
The fact is, recipes were created by companies solely for women to pretend that they came up with them and brag about it incessantly over nude bridge. That's why every time someone gives me a homemade sugar cookie it tastes like every other homemade sugar cookie I've ever had. And I include my own secret recipe. (My only addition is GHB.)
But Weiner will use anything he can to paint McCain a fraud, even go after his wife's cookies, which makes him look like a whiner and a wiener.
My advice: do some real reporting. For example, I hear Nancy Pelosi's world famous lemon squares is made of kittens. Maybe it's time to call Kenneth Starr.
And if you disagree with me, you probably wear a hair net to bed.
Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 9-10PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.