Published May 13, 2008
You wanted it. So I’m giving it to you. When “The Top 10 Mistakes Men Make” ran a couple of weeks ago, readers were like: “Fair enough. But what about the mistakes women make?”
No worries, we’re not leaving the ladies off the hook. From getting sloppy with seduction to carnal constraints, women, too, make some errors with the erotic.
These are just some of them ...
1. Trading in Marilyn for Mommy.
Motherhood should not make you celibate. Instead, you need to see yourself as a hot mama, switching on your Marilyn Monroe persona the second you get your lover alone. For your sake, for your family’s sake, you need to temporarily forget that you’re known as an asexual “mommy” most of the day. You need to nurture your sex life with as much zest as you put into your childcare. Happy parents make for happy families.
2. Being unresponsive in the sack.
Most of us don’t like to have sex with a corpse. Don’t just lie there ... Move! Make noise. Do anything but play dead! If you want your lover to keep coming back, you need to go beyond the missionary position. You need to communicate your needs — give instructions. Even better, check in with him: Is this O.K.? Do you want more? Be eager to please and to be pleased!
3. Forgetting to stay feminine.
Between major weight gain, bodily functions, and divulging daily care habits, a lot of women fail to remain branded in their men's brains as sexy. While self-care and what we do in the loo is nothing to be ashamed of, keep it in the bathroom. Don’t talk about shaving, your period, your last bowel movement, etc. Strive to stay trim and look your best, and apparently effortlessly at that. While he wants you to be the girl-next-door in so many ways, he also wants to eternally see you as his sex goddess.
4. Judging his porn pleasuring.
Unless you’ve been replaced by his passion for pornography, don’t give him a guilt trip for it. Many men enjoy different forms of erotica, often using such visuals to become aroused and, quite frankly, to remain sexually interested in their current partner. Instead of seeing his Playboy or Penthouse as a threat, see it as an enhancement — possibly even one you can share. Such visuals are meant to keep the relationship riveting. Don’t let them create a rift.
5. Being afraid to talk dirty.
The occasional potty mouth can be a passion-inducer. So don’t be shy! Learn to talk dirty. I’m not saying sound like a trucker (unless that’s your thing). But don’t be afraid to get a little filthy. Who knows? You might deserve a good spanking for talking like that.
6. Being unable to own your body.
Big or small, short or tall, what men find a turn-on more than anything is how a woman carries herself — her confidence. If you’re not owning your body, if you’re not embracing your figure and sexual nature, you fail to flaunt one of your biggest assets — you. So walk around naked. Have sex with the lights on. Learn to embrace the skin you’re in. This will help you boost your sex comfort and his.
7. Trash-talking other women.
Sure, you think she looks like a prostitute. But guess what? He does too — and is most likely loving it. Putting down other women in front of him serves as no more than a sign of insecurity. And that makes you unattractive. Rather than worry about what another gal looks like, focus your energies on keeping his eyes on you.
8. Assuming you'll be monogamous.
You’re not monogamous till you have the talk. Having sex is no guarantee of anything, including reciprocal feelings, love, and a future. So don’t make any assumptions. Be honest about what you want. Don’t use sex manipulatively. Head games should stay below the belt.
Finally, our last two are sex tips. You don't want to make THESE mistakes, either:
9. Ignoring his nipples.
While known as a "girl-thing," nipples can be his thing too. Many men have sensitive nipples. In fact, some men have nipples that are more sensitive than their lovers'. So practice some amorous affirmative action. Go ahead and explore the erotic potential this hot spot holds for him.
10. Using too much teeth.
When it comes to oral fixations, this feast should not involve fangs. Teeth scraping is not allowed.
In the Know Sex News ...
— All for one and one for all. An Australian study published in BMC Infectious Diseases found that young women are up for age-based screening for the sexually transmitted infection chlamydia, but only if they were not "singled" out for such. They would rather that everyone be offered the test versus only receive such if there's a red flag on their sexual history.
— Dangerous drinking for better sex. An international study published by BMC Public Health has found that one-third of European men and 23 percent of women admitted to drinking to improve their sex life. Young adults are deliberately using alcohol mixed with drugs to supposedly enhance sex, increasing risks.
— Online flirting is tough. A survey by WooMe is reporting that 72 percent of adults online find e-flirting tougher than wooing in person. Reasons for such: the inability to gauge body language, true chemistry, and physical appearance. Over 60 percent of single adults state that looks are the most likely asset to attract them to someone within minutes of a first introduction.
Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hand Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."