Gathered in Crawford, Texas, to get what few morsels were available, reporters on Friday got anything but an open book on Jenna Bush's wedding, which is set for Saturday afternoon at the president's home away from home.

White House spokesman Gordon Johndroe entertained reporters, but not their questions, in a regular briefing at the Western White House. The administration has dubbed it a private affair, and only a few details — not juicy stuff, like menu, guest list, photos — have made it to the light of day.

Johndroe did very little to open the shades.

On the question of photos, one reporter asked, can we get something a little sooner than Sunday?

Nope.

"I think right now the plan is to release some photos on Sunday from the wedding, and I think that's where things will stand," Johndroe said. Next question.

A bone, please?

"There will be a rehearsal dinner tonight," Johndroe said.

Duh.

But, he added, in case you were wondering: "I don't have any additional details on it."

How about the presidential father of the bride? He's got to be doing something wedding related — today?

"The president had his normal intelligence briefing this morning and then did a little work on the ranch," Johndroe said.

Obviously.

Johndroe slipped in a line about the president getting "rest" and "getting ready for the big event tomorrow night."

What about the order of dances? The president has to get a dance, right?

"Does he have the first dance? I don't know. Let's wait to hear how the ceremony went."

The president has to wear a tux, doesn't he? "... I'm not sure. ..." They're eating, right? Menu? "I'm not aware of that either. ..."

A ballpark on where the bride is?

Not that one, either, buddy, unless it's a really big ballpark.

"I do not know where she is at the moment. Probably somewhere in Texas is my guess, not too far away." This in the state where a four-hour drive is right around the corner.

But for those poor White House reporters not totally frustrated, Johndroe held out some hope.

"Hopefully, we'll be able to provide some more details in the coming days."

But not to extend too much generosity, Johndroe gave a brief explanation about it being a "private event," saying, "I doubt there's more information coming today." Or tomorrow.

As if the press corps weren't banging their heads on their laptops by now, Johndroe delivered the coup de grace: He isn't even really in the know.

Silly reporters.

"I don't know most of the information about the logistics. And what I do know, I will decline to comment."

Some spokesman!

Oh, but if you're wondering, Johndroe mentioned this diamond: Mr. and Mrs. Bush "are really looking forward to this weekend."