Answer to Rising Food Costs

I love fast food as much as I hate big government. And now a slow economy with rising food prices is causing idiot lawmakers to consider "sin taxes" on fast food.

Color me engorged and enraged.

The thought of taxing tacos came from New Jersey Gov. Jon S. Corzine, who called it a "constructive suggestion." I say, never trust a man named Jon who doesn't use an "h."

The fact is, people who eat fast food aren't rich. So when you tax a burger, you tax the poor. Worse is the underlying sense of self-righteousness — that because you shouldn’t be eating this crud anyway, these dip wads are going to punish you for it.

Look, it's not up to anyone but my mom to tell me what's bad to eat — even if it's my own body hair. That's my right. Instead they should tax tofu and granola if only because vegetarians are Nazis. See Hitler.

So what's the answer to rising food costs? It isn't drilling my wallet. It's drilling, period. We must expand oil exploration and create refineries to boost crude oil production. That would cut prices across the board. And we must embrace nuclear energy instead of focusing on idiotic corn-driven biofuels and ethanol, which takes real food out of real mouths.

I’m so mad, I could cry. Instead however, I'm going to McDonald's and have a Quarter Pounder special. Do you know what that is? It's when I take the burger and put it in a blender. And then I inject it straight into my armpit. It’s better than sex, people.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Moby.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com