Obama Is a Man, Not a Brand

So I made the mistake of reading a copy of Fast Company, which had a stroke piece in it entitled "The Brand Called Obama."

The writer says that Obama is more than just a politician, he's a brand — one that stokes aspirations, moves people to evangelize and consume, just like other big brands. Immediately, I thought of Renuzit or Depends — two brands I happen to use on my days off.

Anyway, I thought branding people went out with slavery. And the fact that Fast Company sees fit to brand Obama, seems kinda dumb.

If there's a poison in our discourse today, it's marketers tossing around the word "branding" like a cheap houseboy. The word "brand" is so overused, it's essentially meaningless. Paris Hilton apparently considers herself a brand — kind of like Valtrex in reverse.

But Barack is just a man, not a brand. Do you know what a brand is? It's a product — McDonalds, Coca-Cola, Gutfeld's Homemade Shorty Robes — which you can get for $14 at Gutfeldhomemadeshortyrobes.com.

Fact is, if you aspire to be a brand like Black and Decker, you're probably a tool. So you're almost there. But just because you want to be a commodity doesn't mean we're going to consume. Believe me, after months of leaving my ad up on craigslist, I realized not everyone buys in to the Gutbrand. I never should have posted photos of my birthmark.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com