Nobody likes to be sideswiped during sex. People prefer at least to appear to know what they are doing. They like to handle the unexpected with a bit of grace.
Yet there are a few scenarios that can throw even the best of lovers for a bit of a loop. Typically involving tears, fluids or noises, some situations prove themselves to be more unnerving than others.
It’s no wonder, then, that lovers may find themselves freaking out over any of the following situations:
Crying During Sex
It is not uncommon for individuals, usually women, to cry during or right after sex.
There could be any number of reasons for this reaction. On a psychological level, your love may be emotionally moved by the intensity and closeness of the experience. Or, on a much different note, your partner may be having a distressful flashback, which involves some sort of sexual trauma.
Sex therapists and researchers William Hartman and Marilyn Fithian proposed a physiological explanation for the shedding of tears. They proposed that since an orgasm is triggered by deep stimulation to the uterus and strong uterine contractions, then the involuntary sobbing may be due to the vagus nerve in the brainstem being stimulated. This causes a ripple effect that triggers a cricopharyngeal reflex in the throat.
The practice of Tantric sex further explains this phenomenon along the lines of “energy dynamics.” During lovemaking, emotions stored in the body are loosened and freed by sexual energy.
No matter what the reason for crying, don’t freak out. Be loving, accepting, and supportive of your partner. If you need to figure out the “why,” save it for later.
Laughing During Sex
Like I said above, sex involves the release of different emotions and sensations, many of which reach explosive levels. As you venture through the sexual response cycle, your entire body is dealing with tension that keeps building for a different sort of orgasmic discharge.
If you or your lover laughs, that too, is normal. A giggle’s escape is the energetic release of this crescendo. This is a perfectly natural occurrence, and may happen again. Don’t take it as insult, but have fun with it! After all, Inuit Eskimos referred to sex as “laughing time!”
Lack of Lubrication
Although a rough ride in the sack is typically a titillating thought, getting on board is anything but when the treacherous terrain is a woman’s vaginal canal. Most women will experience dryness, even to the point of irritation, at some point in their sex careers. This could be due to:
— Lack of lubrication -- for example, a lack of foreplay
— Lack of desire
— Hormones, such as birth control or pregnancy-related issues
— Where she is at in her menstrual cycle
— Drugs (medications, alcohol, or illegal ones such as marijuana)
— An infection
— Aging and menopause
If the problem is sidelining your sex life, consider the above issues and have your lover schedule an appointment with her health practitioner to address potential medical issues. Also, it may be worth investing in a lubricant.
Experiment with different types of sexual thirst quenchers, such as water-based or silicone-based ones, to find out which works best for you. This is typically a temporary problem.
Bleeding During Sex
If a woman isn’t due to have her menstrual period, then couples can freak at the sight of blood during intimacy. What lovers need to know is that every time a woman’s vagina is penetrated, she experiences microscopic tearing. Depending on how long it has been since she has had sex, vaginal bleeding may be due to penetration or thrusting. Other reasons include:
— Irritated or inflamed vaginal tissue due to vigorous penetration
— Sexually transmitted infections
— Urinary tract infection
— Cervical polyps
— Outer or inner lip irritation, which may be mistaken for vaginal bleeding
If a woman is simply spotting, don’t worry -- there may be nothing wrong. If she is concerned, however, she should plan to be examined thoroughly by a health practitioner who can get to the root of the issue.
Sex With the Lights On
A flick of the switch can change everything. Lovers who were once completely uninhibited are suddenly seeing each other in a whole new light. Scrambling for cover, they find themselves in a bit of an Adam and Eve-type bind – fully exposed.
When it comes to getting naked with a new partner, people are split down the middle on feeling confident versus embarrassed – and having the lights on or off.
Often, having the lights on or off depends on how well you know your partner and how long you have been in the relationship. Those who are for having the lights on often prefer it for the visual appeal.
Yet, having the lights off can be also be nice since there is a certain vulnerability we feel when getting naked and being intimate with somebody. For some people, a dark room can have reasons ranging from body image issues to finding it sexier, more intimate, and less inhibiting.
If you find yourself suddenly blinded by the light, instead of worrying, step up and put on a good show. After all, someone wants you in the limelight for a good reason.
Where did that wet spot come from? Whether it’s damp sheets or full-on water works, sex is sometimes disrupted by a phenomenon known as “ambrosia,” or more colloquially, “female ejaculation.”
Neither lover knows what just happened, but the automatic assumption is that the woman has lost her bladder.
Don’t assume the woman has become a bed-wetter. What she actually experienced is believed to be a natural reaction of the Skene’s glands, the prostatic tissue around the female’s urethra.
Some experts believe that the Skene’s glands expel a scentless fluid, like that of the male’s seminal fluid, during orgasm. This fluid is most triggered by G spot stimulation. It is for this reason that Tantric practitioners have long referred to the G spot as the "Sacred Gate."
Stinging, itching, swelling, blistering, a burning sensation ... These aren’t exactly the reactions you want to be having in the boudoir.
If you or your lover experiences any of these, go ahead and freak out, but not too much.
It may be an allergic reaction to a product you are using during your private play time, such as spermicide or latex. A woman can become allergic to her partner’s semen, too.
If either one of you is experiencing any of these symptoms, this is probably one time where a visit to the doctor would be beneficial.
Sexpert Q & A: Surviving An Affair
Question: My wife is having an affair after 25 years of marriage, we have three sons and as a Christian I can forgive. How can I convince her to come home and leave the other man?
In the Know Sex News…
— Germany considers banning brother-sister sexual intercourse. Germany’s top constitutional court has ruled that siblings who engage in sexual intercourse can be prosecuted. Motivated by a case involving a man who has four children by his younger sister, lawmakers have cited the need to protect the family order and the weaker partner in such relationships.
— Male circumcision does not protect against some STDs. Circumcising males does not provide protection against chlamydia, genital warts and herpes, according to a study in the Journal of Pediatrics. However, other research has indicated that there is a significant statistical difference in rates of HIV between men who are circumcised and those who are not.
— Survey finds that 90 percent of parents want comprehensive sex education in school. A phone survey conducted by the University of Minnesota of approximately 1,600 parents have found that an overwhelming majority want educational efforts to provide information on pregnancy prevention in addition to abstinence. Researchers commented that parents supported courses, regardless of their own race, religion, or personal politics.
Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hand Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."