Want an audience’s attention? Talk about . . . well, talk about size.
It’s by far one of the most popular topics on my "Sex Files" show on Sirius Maxim (Channel 108). The switchboard goes crazy with our mostly male listeners any time the topic comes up.
Men want to know if they’re "normal" — or they brag obnoxiously if they believe they're particularly well off. And of course, as anyone without a good spam filter can also tell you, many guys want to know what can be done to "enhance" their situation.
It’s easily the most common male hang-up — and a serious, agonizing problem for too many. Social and psychological consequences, like low self-confidence, sexual anxiety, fear of relationships, and social maladjustment, can wreak havoc in the bedroom and in relationships.
As a woman, I can’t relate. After all, my body parts have never held quite the same weight.
Between ancient artwork and modern-day porn showcasing larger-than-life males and the misinformation and stereotypes circulating about performance, it's no wonder men are under the impression — no pun intended — that it's such a "big" deal?
Surveys show that as many as three out of four men believe they're below average. In fact, the vast majority of men are, well, right there around the average range. And the dreaded "micro" syndrome –- those far below average — actually affects less than one percent of all men.
The way I see it, men have nobody to blame but themselves for this image issue. Most women, quite frankly, don’t really care.
What Women Really Think
While the occasional woman does prefer XL, we also know that in many cases bigger doesn't make for better.
In fact, the opposite can be true. A review of letters to Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction (http://www.indiana.edu/~kinsey/) revealed complaints that too much is literally just that, and can actually be hurtful.
It simply is not a deal-breaker in choosing a partner. If anything, the issue many women have is the disproportionate attention it still draws with men. No woman wants to finish in second place, as it were.
Case in point: Research has found that if a woman is sexually unsatisfied, she will perceive her lover as coming up short. On the other hand, if she’s sexually satisfied, then the reverse applies.
A review of 60 years of research in the British Journal of Urology also found that 85 percent of women were satisfied with their partner’s equipment, vs. only 55 percent of men having no qualms with their own.
What’s a Guy to Do?
For as much as women can try to reassure men they have nothing to worry about, guys still fret. And they've gone to great extremes in trying to move up in class. For example, India’s wandering holy men, the Sadhus, use weights to literally stretch it out. Until the 16th Century, the Topamina of Brazil used poisonous snakes to actually bite men, which led to considerable swelling.
Know this: There is NO safe way to alter reality permanently. Delete all those e-mail ads! Skip the pills, herbs, potions, stretching, weights, exercises, hormone therapy, and magnetic/electrical devices.
Mechanical contraptions also rarely live up to their promises, though they can be psychologically uplifting. A pump can result in strictly short-term gain. But urologists will tell you long-term benefits just aren't possible.
While surgery is an option, it can potentially damage performance, and cause image problems. Leaving out the gory details, suffice to say some surgeries rely on the injection of fat to alter size.
Surprisingly, despite no reliable data regarding the criteria for success or complication of these procedures, between 1991 and 1998, 10,000 men in the U.S. paid thousands of dollars to undergo augmentation.
Quite frankly, this need to be hung like a horse has become that of beating a dead horse. Enough already! You’re "normal," OK??
Bigger, smaller, thinner, fatter . . . embrace what Mother Nature has given you. Work on your self-confidence instead of trying to fix something that isn’t broken.
Are there some healthy things you can naturally do to improve your situation? Sure. Remember, it's a blood-flow thing. So try these on for size:
— A low-fat diet, which helps to prevent the narrowing of arteries.
— Exercise, which makes for better all-around circulation.
— Being smoke-free, since nicotine restricts one’s arteries, hence blood flow.
— Staying relaxed, which is best achieved in a comfortable, warm, loving relationship.
— Lose weight, particularly in your gut. Fat tissue in the lower abdominal area makes a man look smaller down below.
Still not convinced? Please, if nothing else, undergo a psychological evaluation before you go under the knife.
Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc . She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."