So the kinky academic who almost died in an S&M club in Manhattan says he's ashamed of his perversion — and wants to change.

Robert Benjamin's life was saved by a dominatrix working at the Nutcracker Suite. She found him in a thick leather collar with a creepy face mask, suspended off the floor. (At my house, this is called "Sunday.")

By all appearances, Benjamin seems like a normal guy — except of course, that he's a college professor. That alone should have been a hint, since we all know, academics are lurid pervs who should be locked up in metal cages and fed through tubes.

But here's what really bothers me: How do you get to a point in life where normal sexual activity becomes so boring that you need to be suspended in a leather harness in order to find pleasure? I understand a French maid outfit. I OWN a French maid outfit. But not this.

We now live in a world where we get everything we want — so sadly everything becomes dull. It forces us to push further into a freaky place to find joy in life.

My only hope is that the gentle sex life of the past becomes truly perverse, by its mere absence — and therefore exciting again.

Until then, I will quietly retire to my activity pit with my houseboys in silent protest.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com

Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld