Friday Finals: Weekly Winners and Losers

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It's Friday Finals — time for our big winners and losers of the week as chosen by me and Heather and the staff.

Big losers first:

Drew Peterson is a huge loser. If your wife is missing, it's not nice to try to dump her. If she's dead, dumping her just makes you look like someone who has guilty secrets.

John Edwards is a loser — you knew that, but he finally admitted to himself. God help us if Obama or Clinton really did promise him the attorney general job.

Britney is so, so hugely a loser. They drop a 5150 on her? That's the same as guys in white coats chasing you with a big butterfly net. Brit, padded room and don't come out for a while.

Joran van der Sloot looks like a Super Bowl day loser. The tape of him confessing something is going to air on Super Sunday. Evidently, Joran still hasn't learned to keep his mouth shut.

Now, this week's big winners:

Let's give the prize to high-powered attorney Joe Tacopina, Joran's lawyer. He got a gig with ABC to investigate the "Foxy Knoxy" murder in Italy as a special correspondent because he's a natural.

Rudy is a winner. What the heck, Rudy, you needed this like a pain in the neck. Go back to the private sector, make some more money and, if McCain's elected, you might be in the cabinet.

Al Sharpton is a winner. He told Bubba to shut up. That is a stone winner position and give Big Al credit.

And Judge Andrew Napolitano is a winner. He went on "The Colbert Report" last night and managed to get off the air without Colbert embarrassing him, which is what Colbert does for a living. Congratulations to our friend the judge.

That's My Word.

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