No Taxation Without Elevation

Is it time to tax the tall?

According to Harvard professor Greg Mankiw, vertically gifted people earn 16 percent more than short people. And research suggests that height may lead to other benefits: They're closer to the sun and they look better in jeans. For that reason, they should be taxed.

But here's the cool thing: There's no way for tall people to escape taxation. If you overtax higher earners, they might hide their income. But tall people? Hunching over won't put them in a lower tax bracket.

And this makes height the perfect model for income redistribution: Tax the tall and give to the short — like me — who really deserve it. At the supermarket, I can't even reach the paper towels — which are white, so that's racist.

The Harvard professor was kidding; he just wanted to show us how taxes are used to punish people who do well. He's probably short.

But why stop at tall? Why not blondes? They really do have more fun and that's not fair. And how about the double-jointed? Tax them twice I say! And what of men with full heads of hair! Since I'm not one of them, it's the kind of taxation I can get behind… and also spoon.

And that's my gut feeling!

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to:

Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld