So a new survey reports that two-thirds of Americans think the government missed warnings of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Even weirder: More than a third believe in conspiracy theories ranging from covering-up data on space aliens to convincing America that Josh Groban is human.

How did this conspiracy nonsense happen?

Well, in part it's because Americans distrust government. We expect bureaucracy and stupidity to go hand in hand, because it does.

Which is why, even if we wanted to pull off a conspiracy, we are incapable, because an inside job requires total silence. And America can't shut up. But as long as you have Brian De Palma, Oliver Stone and Charlie Sheen assuming the worst about humanity, you will have to deal with nutjobs who think they're smart, but aren't.

Conspiracy theories require an ability to connect the dots, not the facts — all propped up by a desire to feel smarter than everyone else because you have it all figured out. That's probably the biggest conspiracy of all: These theories exist only to make people think those who spout them have brains, when in fact all they really have is lice.

And that's my gut feeling!

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com

Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld