So while I was watching "Project Runway" with my roommate Scott, the flight attendant, one of the designers named Santino said, "It's not important who you want me to be, but who I want to be."
I had to laugh, because the two worst words in the English language are "be yourself."
Being yourself does nothing but remind everyone that you yourself are a jerk. That's because deep down, everyone thinks more of themselves than other people do and expects less of themselves than other people do.
Married men know this. If it weren't for wives, most men would eat sardines on the toilet. Wives prevent us from regressing into smelly, selfish beasts. In other words, they prevent us from being ourselves.
So my suggestion is to be exactly what others want you to be. And by others, I mean your parents, specifically — and me. Your parents don't want you to be yourself, they want you to be better than that — good, even. Encourage self-fulfillment among children and you end up turning them into Josh Groban, who — as you know — eats babies.
And so it was no surprise that Santino was dismissed from "Project Runway." Scott and I celebrated by dismembering a drifter.
And that's my gut feeling!
Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.