So this lady was on TV talking about how great free-range turkeys are for Thanksgiving. By allowing the bird its freedom, it ends up living a better life — one based on instinct, not industry.
Of course, none of this has any effect on their inevitable outcome: When it's penetrated repeatedly with a thermometer and violated by a baster.
And this is where the idea of "free range being humane" falls apart.
I ask, what's worse: Raising an animal for food or raising an animal for food, but pretending you're not?
The latter is actually crueler, because you're setting the bird up for a fall. He thinks life is unicorns and rainbows and then you kill it. Keep the bird in a cage, and the prospect of death seems like a release. It's how I view my life currently, by the bysies.
But if you really feel bad about the life of a turkey, then I suggest you adopt one — and not only raise, but bathe, massage and make him booties. Take him to a day spa, give it a mud bath and enliven its loins with a relaxing rubdown.
And when you're done, let's see if he feels any happier when you're shoving a pound of stuffing up its rectum. I doubt it.
And if you disagree, then you sir are worse than Hitler.
And that's my gut feeling!
Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.