Hollywood writers went on strike Monday morning, meaning late-night talk show hosts from Leno and Letterman to Stewart and Colbert will have nothing to say!
FOXNews.com invites you to "audition" your comedic talent by writing jokes based on today's news stories. We'll post what we think are the best.
E-mail us at email@example.com and keep checking back to see if your joke was posted!
Here's your best material:
"The New England Patriots won yet again against the undefeted Indianapolis Colts on Sunday. It was an amazing win. An unnmamed Patriot player said it was astonishing since they had camera trouble in the first part of the game and couldn't steal signals from the opposing team until well into the third quarter." — William
"You have heard of the increase in bankruptcy due to foreclosures on homes in the sub-prime lending market. Well, the FED recently dropped interest rates again. I guess they figure this will allow banks and mortgage companies to make more bad loans faster than ever to unqualified applicants!" — William
"I can't believe someone actually got paid to do a study on the negative affect of mixing alcohol and caffeinated power drinks...bet they had to pull a lot of all-nighters slamming Red Bulls and chasing them with tequila shots." — Judy
"The current writers' strike shouldn't cause too much concern. All they need to do is call on some of Bush's speech writers. They've been writing jokes for years." — Violet
"1. They finally caught Kelsey Peterson and her student this weekend in Mexicali, Mexico. In response to the arrest, the Nebraska woman indicated that she 'just didn't feel right' having a relationship with an illegal immigrant.
2. Last week George W. Bush stated that Congress 'wasn't getting its work done...' Hello Kettle, my name is Pot, you look mighty black today.
3. Did you hear the latest about the woman selling 100 ounces of her breast milk for $200? Yeah, apparantly she's a screenwriter. Desperate times lead to desperate measures." — Jason (Auburn Hills, MI)
"Have you seen these writers outside with their picket signs? "Writers Guild of America ... On Strike". That's right, 'On Strike.' So you put 12,000 of this country's top Hollywood writers together, and the best they can come up with is 'On Strike.' I beginning to think it's possible they're already paying these guys too much." — Ron (Overland Park, KS)
"A report came out today saying that a woman in Iowa is selling her breast milk for $200 a bottle. Ten minutes after that Britney put the kids to bed with a bucket of chicken and started pumping away like crazy." — Paige
"US Airways reportedly evacuated a plane today due to a strange odor in the cockpit. The FAA are investigating the wiring, ventilation, and the vegetable lasagne." — William
"An Iowa woman has a stockpile of breast milk in her freezer and doesn't want to see it spoil. She decided to put it it for sale in the local newspaper for $200. She says she hasn't received any offers, but did receive one prank phone call. She also added that Mr. Clinton did call back to apologize." — Barry
"John Edwards has publicly bashed Hillary Clinton's backing of a plan to award drivers licenses to illegal immigrants. Now he's coming out with his own plan to do virtually the same thing. When asked if he was embarrassed about copying the former first lady, he said no, brushed the lint off his pantsuit, and blew Bill a kiss before heading out the door." — Paige
"A Singapore airline is asking its passengers not to have sex in the beds of its first class cabins. Apparently the pilots were tired of announcing, 'That’s not turbulence.'" — Adam (Pennsylvania)
"Yesterday, two Korean ships were rescued from pirates off of the Horn of Africa. According to reports the crew members rescued consisted of 10 Chinese, four South Koreans, three Vietnamese, three Indians, three Indonesians and Johnny Depp." — Stephen
"Residents began running perilously short of food and water in Mexico's southern Gulf coast Sunday after a week of devastating floods that destroyed or damaged the homes of as many as half a million people. In related news, over ten thousand Mexicans were apprehended while trying to enter the U.S. on surfboards." — Patrick (Houston, TX)
"As of today, the television writers have gone on strike. That's funny; I thought the television writers went on strike months ago — just before writing the final scene of the final episode of The Sopranos." — Barry (Boca Raton, FL)
"Researchers have found that every additional hour per night a third-grader spends sleeping reduces the child's chances of being obese in sixth grade by 40 percent. Unfortunately, one of the researchers was eaten by an obese and sleepy ten year old boy." — Patrick
"There is a study out that suggests the more sleep kids get the less likely they are to be obese. In anticipation that the same will hold true in adults, husbands everywhere have begun hording sleeping pills on behalf of their wives. One gentleman was quoted as saying 'I haven't figured out the ratio yet of sleep to pounds losts so I'm going to play it safe and put her to sleep for about three weeks.'" — C Miller
"On Monday morning, late night talk show writers went on strike. The late night hosts are furious at the writer; words can't describe how angry they are. If they could find a writer, they would express this publically." — Dustin (Cleveland, OH)
"After Pakistan's President Musharraf suspended the country's constitution and imposed martial law, President Bush called an emergency cabinet meeting and got Musharraf on the phone to find out what the heck was going on. President Musharraf said that terrorism had gotten completely out of control, and he was left with no choice except to impose martial law. In fact, he said, just the day before the crisis erupted, his special forces were down near the border with Ahfganistan helping our troops battle insurgents and two Brazilian soldiers were killed in the fighting. President Bush broke out into tears and put his head down, and the Cabinet members couldn't believe Bush was so distraught over this news. Then Bush looked at Cheney and said 'Dick, how many is a Brazillion?'" — Randy (Mission, TX)