This French thing, blaming Americans for starting to get them fat, really bugged me.

If you so hate our fast food, then don't make a fast line to our fast food.

No one's shoving our tacos down your delicate palate, so don't shove this line down our throat.

We are what we eat. Here. Anywhere.

If you so value your crepes to our crap, then just say no.

To quarter pounders. To extra large fries. To tacos with everything on 'em. Or to salads with nothing on 'em. You see the salads are there too.

Only you, like us, prefer the juicy stuff.

Just say that. Sadly, most Americans admit that.

Maybe you, like some of us, would sooner look at a lawsuit than a mirror.

It's understandable, in a society that has long held itself above all others, the French must now come to terms that on eating, they are just like all others.

And it's killing them.

Our burgers. Our fries. Our milkshakes, like gastric nails in their delicate coffins.

And they can't stomach it. And they can't stomach us.

Who knew ironies could be so delicious. Or served so fast?

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Neil Cavuto serves as senior vice president, anchor and managing editor for both FOX News Channel (FNC) and FOX Business Network (FBN). He is anchor of FNC's Your World with Cavuto - the number one rated cable news program for the 4 p.m. timeslot - as well as the FNC Saturday show Cavuto on Business. He also hosts Cavuto on FBN weeknights at 8 p.m. In addition to anchoring daily programs and breaking news specials on FNC and FBN, Cavuto oversees business news content for both networks and FNC's weekend business shows, including Bulls & Bears, Forbes on Fox, and Cashin' In. Click here for more on Neil Cavuto.