Al Gore is a heavy favorite to win the Nobel Peace Prize this Friday. The reason: His relentless nagging about the environment — as well as his awesome backrubs, which he performs shirtless.

He's been co-nominated with something called a Canadian Inuit activist, which is shorthand for "smells like fish."

Winning the Nobel Peace prize is like getting Miss Congeniality — it's saying: Nice job, now leave the building, you homely pig. It's why Arafat and Jimmy Carter each won one. It was the only way to get them off the stage without a giant hook.

I'll say this: Gore deserves something, but not a prize. Fatboy has turned into Chicken Little on steroids, bent on convincing you the sky is falling, right before hopping on his private jet back to his massive, well-heated home.

He's killing the planet through hypocrisy and blame. If you disagree with him, you're a heretic and if you agree with him, you're doomed.

If it were the 1970s, it wouldn't be global warming, it'd be the Ice Age and he'd ask you to conserve the use of wooly caps and fuzzy slippers. There would also be key parties.

But even if global warming turns out to be real, so what? It will kill the fashion industry — no differences between seasons means the end of new fall, summer or spring lines. Instead, it's culottes through Christmas — great for me, because I've got marvelous ankles.

Dass ist mein Darmgefuehl!

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com

Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld