So, this is sick: a 6-year-old boy just got busted for running a "sex club" at his grade school. The school is in Australia… which is why we're showing tape of kangaroos frolicking.
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Apparently this punk got other kids to perform sex acts, but I won't get into it because it's more disgusting than Rosie's back scrubber. What's wrong with kids these days? I didn't even know sex existed until I was 27 and, according to my aunt, I was doing it completely wrong.
Now, I love this next story: According to linguists, over 3,500 languages are in danger of extinction. We're losing one every 2 weeks. Since we can't show a language, I've asked the producer to run pictures of foreigners… but only the hot ones.
Now, I bet you think this is bad news. Not me. There are too many languages and most suck. You know the one where they click their tongues? Disgusting. You don't need to speak six languages. I can barely speak one. The only reason to learn a new language is to pick up girls. I speak to them in German and I only learned five words: " Ziehen sie den gummianzug an" or "Put on the rubber suit."
Speaking of rubber, in Florida, grannies are getting in shape by "pole-dancing." One lady says it helps her arthritis and she likes to show off her moves to her husband, who ends up vomiting. So you don't puke, I've chosen to show you pictures of young strippers.
Look, I love grandmothers, but only if they act like them. The moment they start getting implants and belly piercings, I'm no longer dating them.
And that's my gut feeling.
Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 9-10PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.