The Ninth Commandment: Thou Shall Sum Up Your Key Points
This is your personal trial; you are first seat and your loved one is a skeptical juror. By the time you reach closing statements, most jurors have already developed a version of the case they believe most likely occurred. By summing up key points of evidence, you are reinforcing that the jurors' decision is correct, or provide him motivation to erase his doubts and "do the right thing" by siding with you. This is not the time to repeat all your evidence that would be redundant. Stick to your key evidence and only use pieces that will keep your closing argument simple, clean and concise.
Explain the reasons you presented your case and infuse your hard evidence with passion and underscore your theme the moral of the story.
For instance, you can say: "You've been so cryptic about your phone calls or had boys' night out more than usual. It's been making me question your loyalty to me and some signs point to an affair."
Finally, in your closing, it's important to underscore that he should, "See it your way because of all the evidence and moral authority behind what I said!" Even if your allegations are incorrect, he should understand the rationale behind your allegations.
After this conversation, you'll be able to move forward in one way or another. I propose that if he's still your faithful beau, this conversation will serve as a wake up call. If, unfortunately, your women's intuition kicks in and your gut feeling is correct the two of you can decide the future of your relationship with everything on the table.
The Tenth Commandment: Be Reasonable
Since when does romance speak with the voice of reason? Rarely, but it's time to start. If you fly off the deep end, you look like the crazy girl and he ends up looking like a saint. Reacting with intensity will only damage the straightforward argument you spent hours developing. Use your newly acquired skills to avoid hectoring your boyfriend or letting yourself get angry, weepy or defensive. Yes, this conversation is emotionally charged but when you become irrationally emotional you have little chance of making your case.
In criminal law, we have the presumption of innocence and it's the touchstone of our justice system. We are all innocent until proven guilty. And don't forget about the Miranda warnings that we all know by heart from our favorite TV shows: he has the right to remain silent, the right to a defense and of course … anything he says can and will be used against him! But, he also has the right to a fair trial and all these rights do apply to your boyfriend. As women, we need to keep in mind a cardinal rule for men: They can drool but can't touch! After all, he may be abiding by that rule and we might just need to just re-adjust our perceptions (There are many good men out there!).
If you follow these 10 commandments to "cross examining" your boyfriend, you'll be confident, effective and hopefully achieve your goal: that the truth, while not always comforting, will surely set you free.
• The 10 Commandments of Cross Examination
• Signs Your Boyfriend is Cheating on You
• How to tell if he's cheating
• Winning Every Time: How to Use the Skills of a Lawyer in the Trials of Your Life, by Lis Wiehl (Random House)
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Lis Wiehl joined FOX News Channel as a legal analyst in October 2001. She is currently a professor of law at the New York Law School. Wiehl received her undergraduate degree from Barnard College in 1983 and received her Master of Arts in Literature from the University of Queensland in 1985.In addition, she earned her Juris Doctor from Harvard Law School in 1987.
Lis is also the author of The 51% Minority — How Women Still Are Not Equal and What You Can Do About It . ( Watch the Video ) and Winning Every Time: How to Use the Skills of a Lawyer in the Trials of Your Life
To read the rest of Lis's bio, click here.