The other day while looking at a map of the United States and trying, in vain, to find Sweden, it occurred to me that with my good looks and rockin' body, I should run for Miss Teen USA.

People have suggested it to me countless times before, but I always ignored them, thinking I didn't possess the rocket scientist brainpower needed for a distinguished position. But then I turned on the “Today” show and became distracted by the wretched ball of death they call morning television.

This morning, the show had Lauren Caitlin Upton on — the mindless minx who mangled an answer to a question on geography during the Miss Teen USA pageant.

Matt and Anne Curry interviewed this nugget of nonsense, during which Curry actually high-fived her and Matt Lauer engaged in a fist bump. Yes, a fist bump. All because she came off slightly less stupid than Matt Lauer, but not by much.

Thing is, it's not so much what the girl said, but how.

She has that profoundly irritating voice that combines the worst of Southern California with South Carolina — a hybrid that squeezes out anything smart from both places, leaving only a ditz-filled diaper.

But far worse in this mess, is as always, Matt Lauer. What kind of middle-aged man does a fist bump on national television? Did he learn this from watching “Moesha” reruns?

Every day the "Today" show finds a new way to reward stupidity — and If idiocy were a horse, I'd put Lauer between my legs and ride him.

And that's my gut feeling.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com

Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld