Many thoughtful environmentalists are telling us that our planet is facing a deadly calamity. The combination of overpopulation and increasing greenhouses gases puts us on a path to destroy Mother Earth... unless we do something now.
• Feeling peckish? Watch Greg's Greg-alogue
Two suggestions to prevent such disaster were unveiled this week:
In England, scientists suggested creating restrictions on family sizes, to reduce the global population.
Meanwhile, researchers in Japan suggest an end to eating meat, since producing beef is responsible for more pollution than driving a car for three hours.
I have examined this problem and came up with a simple solution: If overpopulation and consumption of animals cause major harm to our planet, then we can simply end both threats — through cannibalism.
Yes people, let's eat each other.
Like acupuncture and Yoga, cannibalism has been around for centuries. And as you know, we are always willing to embrace anything associated with ancient, spiritual cultures. And, believe me, you can't get any more ancient or spiritual than a self-consuming practice that protects animals while paying tribute to our planet.
Think of it as a healing process for the Earth… but in a pot with carrots and spring potatoes.
Because, to embrace environmentalism, you must reject the idea that humanity is special, or any possibility that something good might come from creating more people.
So dig in. I suggest we start with Al Gore. He's got some tender meat on those thighs!
And that's my gut feeling.
Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 9-10PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.