How to Prioritize Stories of Death

So a search team found the two French climbers who vanished while climbing in Tibet last year. Aged between 28 and 36, they fell 300 feet to their deaths.

This is a sad story and I extend my sympathies. But, here comes the "but." There's always a butt when I'm around — a flabby one with the consistency of cottage cheese.

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See, I always find myself wondering why stories like these are any newsier than stuff about a little old lady who gets hit by a bus.

Mountain climbers assume a high degree of risk — like parachutists or strippers. So when tragedy occurs, it's a big part of the experience. Without the risk, the activity bores the person engaging in it. Hence the phrase, "He lived life to the fullest," which is usually heard after "he" was eaten by a cannibal.

Meanwhile, every day, people die going to work. On average, a pedestrian is killed every 108 minutes. Those stories of daily death concern me more. Old ladies slip in bath tubs and old men choke on Centrums. This is why I don't bathe and I take Flintstones Chewables.

Sadly, adventurers draw others into their risk-taking — mainly people who must rescue them. "Thrill seeker" is simply short for, "selfish and bored with disposable income."

Me? I'm selfless. I prefer to stay indoors all day, safe and sound in my shorty robe. I do this out of love for all of you.

And that's my gut feeling.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to:

Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld