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GRRR! Royal Hangover

Let me start right off the bat by stating I have a problem with any person whose most noted accomplishment is having been born.

Prince William and Prince Harry are indeed nice young men, and when I met them for tea and crumpets just last week, I thought, 'Gee, guys, you’re nothing like I thought you’d be. You’re actually quite normal!'

Yeah, RIGHT!

Video: The Grrr! Block on Royals

I’m referring of course to the much-hyped "Today" show "exclusive" with the prince of morning television, Matt Lauer, but in a simple Web search on my favorite news aggregator site, it was easy to see that Lauer, while the only U.S. broadcaster to "get" the guys, was still just one of many in a media day the princes hosted at their home.

The BBC's interview with the princes will air on Friday, and since they're wearing the same exact clothes they wore for "Today," it's apparent that the exclusive interview was not so exclusive.

Now, I couldn’t care less about either interview, frankly. Americans are about as fascinated with the Royals as they are with David Beckham. Zilch. Nada.

And why should we be?

I saw one report calling these guys the world’s most eligible bachelors. Hah! It’s not like the royals have been dream lovers by any stretch of the imagination. Prince Albert of Monaco and his sister Princess Stephanie have children out of wedlock, and they’re both unlucky in love.

Stephanie has been married once and has three children out of wedlock, and 49-year-old Albert is dating an Olympic athlete 20 years his junior. Not bad, but then again, how hard can it be for the ruler of Monaco to pick up a young hottie who happens to be an elite athlete?

He's a prince, for crying out loud and rules one of the most beautiful and party-hardy places on the planet!

I interviewed Albert at the Salt Lake City Winter Olympics -- competing on his country's bobsled team. While they've never medalled, being that it's HIS TEAM, he's not getting cut anytime soon.

The list of royal scandals goes on and on.

Prince Andrew, the Duke of York, dated a porn star. His ex, Fergie, when she’s not having her toes sucked by her financial adviser, is busy shilling for weight-loss programs and writing dieting books that she’d otherwise never get published IF SHE WERE NOT A ROYAL.

Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, has been known to let his true colors shine, asking an Aborigine in Australia if they still threw spears at each other and once told a 13-year-old boy whose dream it was to go to outer space that he was "too fat to be an astronaut."

Queen Elizabeth herself was so reviled that when Helen Mirren played her sympathetically by giving her a heart in last year's "The Queen," the acting was SO GOOD, they gave her an Oscar, a SAG, a BAFTA, a Golden Globe, a NY Film Critic's award and an LA Film Critic's award.

And speaking of Hollywood, Prince Charles has been joining the rest of the rich and famous hypocrites on the global warming lecture circuit, preaching the dangers of environmental consumption, but meanwhile he lives in a castle and does a lot of traveling BY HELICOPTER.

The concert for Princess Diana will be, and should be, a huge success. Diana was a revered woman who did a lot of good in this world, and hopefully some of that goodness has passed on to her children.

Indeed, the princes come across as affable and well-behaved. I just don't really care.

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