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GRRR! Paris Hilton: The Prison Life; Lindsay Lohan On the Edge

Tell me why, I don't like Mondays, tell me why, I don't like Mondays...

And while that tune from the Boomtown Rats is a catchy one, this Monday brings good news from Hollywood: Paris Hilton is in jail and Lindsay Lohan is still in rehab.

Does that mean that these Obliviot celebrities will finally straighten out their lives and become positive role models?

Believe it or not, there's more hope for Hilton to come out of her stint in jail an older and wiser heiress than for Lindsay to come out of the Promises Residential Treatment Center clean and sober.

Why? Lohan is addicted to substances, while Hilton is merely addicted to seeing herself on television, in blogs and in the tabloids.

With no phone, no instant access to media and 23 hours a day in solitary confinement, Hilton will have no choice but to reflect on her life. She will also, presumably, meet some real hard-luck cases during her stay in the clink, and that is where Paris will do most of her growing up.

Hilton has lived in a fantasy world most of her life. Her idea of tough is Brandon Davis calling Lindsay Lohan names like "firecrotch."

In jail she's going to meet women who would chew up and spit out the likes of most of her "hard luck" friends, but more importantly, she's going to see a part of this world that most of us only know from movies and television, and that's where she'll come out, hopefully, ahead of the game.

And no matter how many guards or how closely they isolate Paris, she will know fear like she's never known before, and I'm not talking about "House of Wax," either.

Now, Grrr readers know that this column has been critical of Paris for her behavior. She's acted like a spoiled little rich girl who is above everybody and everything. But I never, ever dreamed that she would end up in jail. However, I'm firm in my belief that jail will be good for her.

Lohan is another story altogether.

New photos (reportedly taken last year) of Lindsay wielding a knife and posing like a lesbian murderer with her female friend are disturbing and paint a seedy picture of what's become of her life. People magazine this week features a shot of Lindsay from "Parent Trap" with the headline, "What Happened to Lindsay?"

Click here to see the Lohan pics

That's a very good question, but since the only thing Lindsay really, really cares about is being a movie star (without the requisite work of course), a better question from Hollywood might be, "Why Would We Ever Hire Lindsay Again?"

And until the people who enable these Hollywood celebutards with lucrative contracts, magazine covers and constant adulation and invitations to host and attend awards shows, there's no hope for someone like LiLo.

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