You Gotta Know When to Walk Away or Call 911

Better keep that ace up your sleeve with this Wisconsin gal.

A 7-year-old girl called the cops on her grandpa Sunday after she caught him cheating at a card game, the Fond du Lac Reporter said Monday.

The dispatch center in Dodge County, Wis., received the hang-up 911 call around 4:40 p.m. from the town of Burnett, the paper reported.

Officers responded to the scene and learned from the girl's grandmother that the child had just learned how to dial 911.

When the gal thought her granddad was cheating at a family card game, she put her new skills to the test, according to the police report.

Seems like the kid'll be a natural in Vegas.

Sinners May Experience Intense Burning

LINDEN, Calif. (AP) — A Stockton-area businessman is peddling blessed bottled water.

The half-liter bottles of Holy Drinking Water are being distributed by Wayne Enterprises. They only carry the blessings of Catholic and Anglican priests, but company president Brian Germann plans to expand to other faiths.

He said he thought of the concept last year and has sold about 3,000 bottles since January at a Linden market and on the Internet.

The bottles of plain purified water carry a label that warns sinners who drink the water that they may experience burning, intense heat, sweating and skin irritations.

You're Not Gonna Make It After All

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) — A man faces burglary charges after police found him sleeping in the house made famous by the TV sitcom "The Mary Tyler Moore Show."

Police found the 24-year-old man asleep in a second-floor bedroom Saturday morning with the TV on and a remote control for a ceiling fan in his back pocket. His shoes were found on the third floor of the eight-bedroom, nine-bath Queen Anne Victorian.

The facade of the house was shown in the opening credits for "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," and tourists often stop by to look at it.

A cleaning crew that arrived around 10 a.m. saw the smashed front doors and called police, who arrested the man without incident.

Owner Don Gerlach, who had recently spent 18 months sprucing up the home with new floors, landscaping and an addition, spoke briefly with the suspect and said he told him he was drunk and that his friends put him up to it. The house is up for sale for $3.62 million.

Nothing was taken from the house, police said. Three glass front doors were smashed, including a custom-made stained glass panel that could cost about $1,200 to repair.

The house's security system wasn't hooked up over the weekend because of renovation work, Gerlach said. Police believe the suspect broke in sometime between Friday night and Saturday morning.

Jail Takes Plastic ... Provided It's Not Stolen

MISSOULA, Mont. (AP) — Hauled to the pokey here and need to post bail? Put it on plastic.

The Missoula County Detention Center intends to accept credit-card payments for bail, as part of an effort to get people out of the building sooner and control jail crowding. For that reason, officials also want to expand telephone service for bail seekers, making it easier to call for help.

Acceptance of credit cards was set to begin Monday.

"The credit card machine is now installed at the jail, so if you get arrested and want to bail yourself out, you can put it on your credit card," said Margaret Borg, a former chief public defender here.

The Missoula County Sheriff's Department says that before long, people in custody also likely will have the option of calling cell-phone numbers. The jail telephone system now available to them allows only collect calls. Consequently, only calls to conventional phones may be placed.

Officials also have raised the amount for which inmates can write checks to cover bail. Checks for defendants in city court will be accepted in sums up to $250. In Justice Court cases, the new limit is $2,000.

British Comedian Shares Bright Idea

LONDON (AP) — How many light bulb jokes does it take to alleviate poverty?

British comedian Lenny Henry has chosen 100 of examples of his country's incandescent humor to mark Red Nose Day on March 16, when the Comic Relief organization encourages Britons to drop their traditional reserve and clown around in false noses to raise money for charities at home and in Africa.

Britons were asked to nominate their favorite light bulb jokes for a book edited by Henry that is being sold for $5.77 as part of utility company npower Ltd.'s contribution to Red Nose Day.

"Since light bulb jokes were developed in the late 1800s, they've become a national institution, and it's about time we celebrated them," Henry said.

He tried out the jokes on passers-by Tuesday while standing inside a giant light bulb on Carnaby Street.

Henry's top three light bulb jokes were:


Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. They never get the house.


Q: How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a light bulb?

A: You don't know man, you weren't there!


Q: How many reality TV stars does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Their time in the spotlight is over.

Compiled by's Sara Bonisteel.

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