Steak and a naked lady — it's a truly tasty experience.

So finds Frank Bruni, perhaps the luckiest dining critic on the planet, in his latest review for The New York Times.

It was a tough assignment: Rate the food at Robert's Steakhouse, the in-house dining room for the Penthouse Executive Club in Midtown Manhattan, where patrons sup on topnotch steaks while getting $20 massages from the topless "entertainment."

Bruni found the food isn't half bad, though it does require some bending of the normal rules of etiquette.

Take dessert for example: "It’s called a buttery nipple, and it involves one of the women straddling your lap, tilting your head back, pouring a combination of Baileys Irish Cream and butterscotch schnapps down your throat, and squirting Reddi-wip into your mouth," he wrote in his Wednesday review.

Like the massage, it costs $20.

But the critic — whose no-star rating of another dining establishment led to a prominent New York restaurateur taking out a full-page attack ad against Bruni — found the overall atmosphere titillating. He gave Robert's one star.

"No matter what your appetite for the saucy spectacle accessorizing these steaks," he wrote, "you’ll be turned on by the quality of the plated meat."

Ding-Dong. The Ding-a-Ling Robbers Are Here

BRANDON, Fla. (AP) — So much for stealth.

Authorities said a trio trying to open a locked door alerted a sleeping homeowner when one of them rang the doorbell.

Homeowner Samuel Sanchez, 35, confronted the burglars about 11:30 a.m. Monday. One of them was still trying to open the door with a pocket knife, Hillsborough County sheriff's deputies said. The men ran, according to The St. Petersburg Times.

Deputies arrived moments later and arrested three teen suspects, including one found hiding in a trash bin. They were all charged with attempted burglary.

Cookie Thieves Can't Outrun the Girl Scout Law

AUGUSTA, Ga. (AP) — Nearly a dozen people who pleaded guilty to stealing cookies last fall from an Augusta baking plant, have been ordered to donate $350 each to the region's best-known cookie sellers: the Girl Scouts.

Superior Court Judge Duncan Wheale of the Augusta Judicial Circuit told the defendants Tuesday they could work their way off active probation if they paid the donation and $500 fines and stayed out of trouble for six months.

Officials at the Kellogg's plant hired a private investigator when they suspected an employee theft ring, Assistant District Attorney Brooks Hudson said.

Surveillance equipment revealed employees taking cases of cookies and putting them in their vehicles, Hudson said. About 70 cases, with an average value of $33 each, were taken.

The company allowed employees to take home defective cases if they completed the proper paperwork — a step these employees neglected, their attorneys said.

The former employees had worked at the plant from four months to 26 years. Each was fired after the investigation.

Someone Thinks This County Commissioner Stinks

SANFORD, Fla. (AP) — The person who sent a Seminole County Commissioner a smelly package probably didn't agree with the commissioner's request for thousands of dollars in new office furniture.

Seminole County sheriff's investigators aren't yet sure where the feces came from or who sent it to Mike McLean's office.

The sender wrote comments on the white, letter-sized envelope that made it clear the sender was not happy about the furniture purchase, officials said.

There was no return address.

A Postal Service spokeswoman said the U.S. Postal Service prohibits sending feces through the mail except for medical or veterinary purposes, and in those instances the samples must meet rigorous packing and labeling requirements.

Without some implied or written threat, however, a poop-filled package won't get the sender in trouble on the first offense.

Our Water Can Lick Your Water

BERKELEY SPRINGS, W.Va. (AP) — For the third time in four years, the northwest Ohio town of Montpelier can claim bragging rights to the world's tastiest tap water.

The village of 4,200 near the Michigan state line has won the Best Municipal Water category, repeating 2003 and 2006 victories at the annual Berkeley Springs International Water Tasting.

Only one other community, Atlantic City, N.J., has had back-to-back victories in the same category, claiming gold in 1993 and 1994.

Second, third and fourth places this year went to three towns in British Columbia — Clearbrook, Elkford and Campbell River, respectively.

The Metropolitan Water District of Southern California, a former gold medal winner, came in fifth among 32 entries from 13 states and three Canadian provinces, event producer Jill Klein Rone said Tuesday.

More than 100 waters from 23 U.S. states and 11 countries were judged in various categories at the weekend tasting competition.

Compiled by FOXNews.com's Sara Bonisteel.

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