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Dennis Miller on Pres. Bush's Speech, Duke Investigation and the Oscars

This is a partial transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," January 24, 2006, that has been edited for clarity.

Watch "The O'Reilly Factor" weeknights at 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. ET and listen to the "Radio Factor!"

BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight, we have three topics for Dennis Miller: the president's speech, the Oscars, the Duke rape case, where more ethics charges were brought against district attorney Mike Nifong today.

Joining us now from Los Angeles is Mr. Miller.

All right. Let's get to the State of the Union first. You watched it. What did you think?

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, first off, Bill, I have to tell you, I'm operating under a heavy heart tonight, what with this John Kerry announcement that he's not going to run, going back to his day job as an Easter Island statue. I'll try to soldier on.

The State of the Union, brilliant visually. I mean, I usually TiVo this thing so I can fast forward through Hillary's cavernous yawns, but she was just kind of cranky this time.

Obama was very attentive. He looked to be all ears.

And I, like everybody else, was completely fascinated by "Blinky" Pelosi over the shoulder. You know something? If you could hook some cables up to that eye twitch, we wouldn't even need ethanol. You could power half the country on that.

O'REILLY: We're going to have that in our body language segment. I wonder what the blinking was all about? Whether her contacts were bothering her, whether Dick Cheney was growling under his breath. Because look at Dick. He doesn't look real happy to be there, does he?

MILLER: No, look Cheney, he doesn't help her cause, I think, because he only blinks, I think, once every time the Comet Kohutek clears the Solar System.

O'REILLY: When Cheney got close to her, that's why she's blinking. She's like, eww, is he going to hit me?

MILLER: She remembered the grouse hunting story, thought he might pull out a 30 ought six.

O'REILLY: Yes. She's lucky a quail didn't fly by, or the speaker would be gone.

Now, you have John McCain fell asleep, I believe, during the address. Did you see that?

MILLER: They all seemed to be looking down at their BlackBerries. It at least appeared that way. Everybody was looking down.

There was a lot of odd things that happened in the room.

But the overall vibe I found very disheartening in that on the same day we've got this madman, "Aqua Velvajad" in Iran, saying that the demise of America and Israel is imminent, we've got half the people in the chamber won't stand for the commander-in-chief when he talks about the war of our lifetime. I don't know what's going on back there...

O'REILLY: They don't believe it.

MILLER: Maybe Bin Laden had it right that we don't have the stomach for this because if it's not obvious to everybody that it's time to circle the hybrids, I don't know what it is.

O'REILLY: Did you read The L.A. Times in your own town, this week, they had a big article, they're like, Iran is not so bad. It's not really a danger. But if you go back and you read the press accounts in the late 1930's, it's almost exactly the same thing, vis-a-vis Germany. Not so bad. It's only bluster. Don't really worry. Need to stay out of it. Don't get involved. So history is repeating itself.

Now, the [Mike] Nifong situation, Duke situation, that situation. Here we have a case that should be thrown out -- I think you agree with that -- now. And you have this rogue prosecutor. He's off the case now. What do you think should happen to this guy?

MILLER: Well, listen. I think obviously he should be disbarred. I think he should be sent to jail. And I think if there's any karma in the universe, as part of a work-release program he should be sent out into the community to do strip tease at sorority parties.

I mean, the guy is obviously a local doofus wearing Hagar slacks up to his belly button. He always thought his life was going to pan out to be a John Grisham character. It didn't happen that way. He wanted to get it into the pension barn. He had this Tom Wolfe scenario dropped in his lap.

And like every guy down there with a Christ-complex, he wanted to be Atticus Finch. Except in this case, there was only one "mockingbird" that was killed, and it was those three kids.

O'REILLY: All right. I have to stop you here, because Atticus Finch is a character in "To Kill a Mockingbird", the great novel. Miller is now being pedantic and showing off his tremendous frame of reference...

MILLER: Did you know, Bill, by the way, we're going to speak about the Oscars. I couldn't believe that Peter O'Toole was up for an Oscar this year. He's not won before for "Lawrence of Arabia". I went back and looked and at least it made sense to me because the man who did win that year was Gregory Peck as Atticus in "To Kill a Mockingbird". You at least you can understand that.

O'REILLY: But I'm worried about Peter O'Toole. If he has another facelift, it's going to be skull. You know, you're right down to the bone, Peter. Come on, you're old. You know, you're not fooling anybody. We like you. You don't have to be young. You're not going to get chicks. You don't need to do that.

Forest Whitaker, he has to win because they all love Forest Whitaker, and he's great as Idi Amin. There he is.

MILLER: If you're asking who should win, I'll say -- or who will win, I'll say Forest Whitaker. If you're asking me who should win, I'll say me in my brilliant cameo in "Thank You for Smoking".

On the women's side, obviously, Helen Mirren will win. So we'll have Forest and Helen, the king and the queen.

O'REILLY: And then -- and Alan Arkin for best supporting actor has to win. He's now been around forever and hasn't got anything, so he wins. And then got to give it to Jennifer what's her name in "Dreamgirls", because she was very good. What's her last name? Jennifer?

MILLER: Hudson. That's always a wild card category.

O'REILLY: I saw her on Broadway. And I saw the play which is excellent. ButAl Gore is the big winner in the Oscars. Al Gore is going to -- he's going to steal the show. He's going to slap Warren Beatty on the way up there. He's going to give a speech. It's going to be tremendous.

MILLER: Well, listen, the funny thing about Gore in that movie, when I saw him, I thought to myself, for God's sakes, he's actually likable here. If he'd just been like that when he ran for president, he might not be -- he's one of the few guys who the second place prize is going to be an Oscar, because he probably blew the presidency being so rigid.

O'REILLY: Yes. In the movie he was fine.

MILLER: The thing about Al Gore is he's a bad emissary for that global warming issue. Because I've always thought of him as such an inauthentic man, I translate some of that feeling to the cause. Like Cosby is legit...

O'REILLY: He believes it, and I think he does a good job, as Jeanne Wolf said in provoking the conversation. I want -- can we put that video we just had up? Because I want to point out something that Miller will really understand here.

He's got the Bela Lugosi haircut going on now. It's slicked back -- Did you notice that? All he needs is the cape and say, "The children of the evening." There it is, the moon! There it is!

He's going to win this year for "An Inconvenient Truth" and he's going to win -- next year will be "The Return of Dracula".

MILLER: He might win the Oscar, but I'm telling you, I have trouble taking escalating temperature estimates from a guy that I've already deemed to be a sweat act.

O'REILLY: Miller! So you've insulted -- no, I'm not even going to bother. I'm not going to do it. All right. I'll give you the last word tonight, Miller.

MILLER: The last word is "vainglorious," Bill.

O'REILLY: Vainglorious. Don't be that. Dennis Miller, everybody. Give him a round of applause.

Thank you, Dennis.

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