Either I’m suffering from post-yuletide irritation, or the people on MTV’s reality shows cranked up their levels of annoying-ness to almost inconceivable levels this week.
“Twentyfourseven” delivers such a bounty of horrific guys that it’s literally impossible to decide who should take home the "Most Maddening of the Week" award.
Or is it the “rock star,” who — in the most staged-seeming bit of this completely staged-seeming show — accepts a drink two girls send his way, watches his friends leave the bar and then opts not to call a cab but instead simply summon his brother to pick him up when he’s trashed at two in the morning?
Perhaps it’s the girl featured this week — the alleged girlfriend of one of these guys, who’s spotted sitting on her ex-boyfriend’s lap at a bar and weeps insincerely when busted for it.
Look, I know people like this exist — I live, after all, in the city that’s ground zero for such soulless dreamers. And I can picture the producers sitting around thinking, “This will be like a real life ‘Entourage.’”
But on “Entourage,” Vince is actually a movie star, not a guy who gets 13th billing in a surfing movie. And, as it turns out, inarticulate, shallow guys are a lot more interesting to listen to when they’re relying on writers for their dialogue.
Providing some competition in the exasperating-people race this week were the folks on “The Real World.”
First up: Colie, who weeps to her mom when she has a sore throat and screams like she’s just been forced to watch 10 back-to-back viewings of “Surf School” when injected with an IV at the local hospital.
Informed that she has mono — and that the virus is highly contagious — she returns to the house to brag about her IV experience (seriously) before surrendering to the living room couch (which appears to be the ideal spot for germ spreading).
But her behavior pales in comparison to that of her housemate Brooke, a Southern lass who dons short shorts and heels to go out for a manicure but gets lost and ends up being hit on by, as she explains to the camera, “bums and drunk people off the street.”
Returning home, her nails still unpolished, she tries to tell the story of her traumatic non-manicure, but when she mentions that she was in the ghetto and Tyrie makes a joke about her use of the word, she has a mammoth meltdown.
She then yells at her mother on the phone that she’s “in hell,” “so unhappy,” and has “never been more miserable,” before sobbing about how “selfish, incredibly immature and annoying” all her roommates are.
Even though Brooke doesn’t have the classic “Real World” excuse to fall back on since she was as sober as her nails were ragged, she does seem to get over the mood swing rather quickly — or at least while wearing the same short shorts — once she’s informed that white people live in ghettos, too.
Still, if the girl thinks that nothing could make her as miserable as living in the plush “Real World” house with her relatively benign roommates, I’ve got seven guys I’d like her to meet.
Anna David has written for The L.A. Times, Vanity Fair, Premiere, Parenting, Cosmo, People, Us Weekly, Redbook, Self, Details, Stuff, TV Guide, Women’s Health, Ocean Drive, Teen Vogue, Variety, The New York Post, LA Confidential and Maxim, among others. She answers sex and relationship questions on G4's Attack of the Show and speaks about pop culture on FOX, CNN, NBC, MTV, VH1 and E! Her first novel, "Party Girl," is coming out in June 2007 from Regan Books/HarperCollins.