She's no prison rat. And her new $1,200 "vibrator" is "a very good tool," ex-con domestic diva Martha Stewart confided in a raunchy riposte with Sirius Satellite Radio colleague Howard Stern.

The usually stiff-shirt Stewart showed her down-and-dirty side last week.

She recalled dating Mayor Bloomberg "years ago" -- and confessed she couldn't get past the Hannibal Lecter character while dating "Silence of the Lambs" actor Anthony Hopkins.

"Do you want someone eating your brain while you are sitting in your beautiful dining room in Maine?" she wondered. "I would have probably had a very nice relationship with Anthony Hopkins but I couldn't get past the Lecter thing."

She called her current beau a filthy-rich Microsoft retiree with his own plane and boat. "Those guys have all the toys," she said.

The woman imprisoned for the ImClone insider-trading scandal also said she ran into "girls with mustaches and girls with beards [who] would ask me for lunch" behind bars.

"They also wanted to learn," she added. "Everybody in prison has a business plan."

She said she always told guards that she'd simply fallen whenever they asked her to snitch on who had bruised her arm.

And she's still fuming at Donald Trump over her axed spinoff of "The Apprentice." "Don't sit us next to each other," she said.