I'm sure glad we're in the middle of football season, because I don't know what we'd do without those Budweiser commercials proclaiming Jay-Z is back.

Dude, I didn't even know he left.

Quick, name one Jay-Z tune off the top of your head. No Googling allowed.

But I'm not Grrr'ing Jay-Z. I met the guy at the Super Bowl in Houston, where his girlfriend Beyonce performed, and he is without a doubt a gentleman. He was low-key and respectful to everybody he encountered.

Couple my experience with his appearance on Barbara Walters' "Ten Most Fascinating People List," in which he was the most interesting choice among the usual suspects — although Nancy Pelosi was a surprise — and Jay-Z is not the problem.

The problem is with advertising in general.

I don't like that commercial in the least. Seeing Jay-Z sitting on a throne, crowned with the Budweiser logo, turns me off. And I'm speeding through it on my DVR, and I still get Grrr'd, because with the exception of a sampling of "It's a Hard Knock Life" from the musical "Annie," I have no idea what the guy raps about.

None.

But he's not the only celebrity who needs a shot in the publicity arm starring in commercials who make me Grrr.

Slash of Guns N' Roses fame is playing guitar in Volkswagen commercials. I guess being a former heroin addict is no longer taboo for national television endorsements?

The last time I even heard of Slash was when Comedy Central featured his character in "Kid Notorious," the animated adult cartoon based on film maverick Robert Evans' life.

In it, Slash is usually portrayed as being baked out of his mind, while Evans' character was busy bedding multiple animated starlets two-at-a-time.

Maybe Evans and his pal Slash and a bevy of brainless beauties can do an ad for the new Touareg. Think of the fun they can all have with so much more room in an SUV.

But what do I know?

Director Sydney Pollack of "Tootsie" fame hasn't directed anything that put even a tiny dent in the box office in over a decade, and he's doing movie theater ads in which he plays a director interrupting some dude talking on his cell phone, proclaiming "What, is my directing interrupting your phone call?"

The point being that people who talk on their cell phones during movies are interrupting a director's work up on the screen. The only problem is, by the time the audience figures out who Pollack is — because let's be honest, he's not instantly recognizable as a famous director — you're already wondering what genius came up with the Fandango campaign featuring brown paper bag characters going to the movies.

It's not bad enough that commercials are usually louder than the program you're watching, so you have to scramble for the remote so you don't blow your speakers, but now you have to filter them for sheer stupidity.

What's next?

I know, Terrell Owens and Madonna as children's book authors. That'll be the day!

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