Oops… I’m going to do it again. I am going to waste valuable web page space on our sad state of cultural affairs in America. But I can’t resist the temptation to weigh in on this new “commando” crisis we are having with the beautiful people of America… BECAUSE I HAVE A DAUGHTER!
For God’s sake, can anyone please explain to me why in the world would a soon-to-be-divorced mother-of-two like Britney Spears allow herself to be repeatedly photographed getting in and out of expensive automobiles (that she shouldn’t be driving in the first place – but that’s a topic for another day) exposing her disdain for underwear? Did she learn it from her Louisiana Southern Baptist upbringing?
Where do you even begin?
Skipping past the accidental marriage to a high school sweetheart in the Vegas Chapel… We recently learned that Britney would be having a second child with America’s Worst Dad wannabe rap artist Kevin Federline… or K-Fed… or Fed-Ex… or whatever his Fed is. And now, thanks to images on the internet that would get me fired for looking at them at work, Britney Spears is going to jeopardize winning a custody battle that can only be viewed at this point as a “no win” situation for the kids.
Think about that for a moment. If you were the judge in a custody battle and you had to decide on an unfit-parent claim because the mother is running around all night with Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan flashing her genitals – would you have the nerve to say, “No problem, any good mother does that?!”
Oh wait – I’ve misspoken. This just in: thanks to a blog I was reading before writing this column that has apparently refreshed the page, it now appears that the au natural Spears has gone out and blown a whopping $4000 on thongs at a hip LA undies boutique called Le Bra Lingerie.
Gosh, that’s certainly a relief.
And to think, I actually felt sorry for this bimbo when she broke down crying in an interview with Matt Lauer in prime time when she complained that the paparazzi terrorized her. (It’s worth noting that as a television producer, I had to forgive her for CHEWING GUM during the interview.)
So I tell you what Judge Jenkins would do if he were sitting in the black robe at that hearing – ban Mr. Federline from pro-creating ever again and sentence Ms. Spears to wearing granny panties for the next 50 years… and hopefully after the next half-century, neither of the two will even consider violating either previous offense!
I can be reached for questions or comments at firstname.lastname@example.org.