There are three things certain in this life: death, taxes and O.J. Simpson grabbing headlines with his idiocy.
In case you're among the many who mute your television sets at the very sight of his Juiceness, he's back again to sell something. The last time we saw O.J. he was trying to sell an Internet-based reality show around his life on the links, among other things.
This time he's selling a book, called "If I Did It," which is being billed by Simpson as a how-to guide to murdering his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman -- if he did it.
The fact that Regan Books and FOX Broadcasting (both owned by FOX News parent company News Corporation) are in bed with Simpson in this despicable venture is only somewhat Grrring, given that there will be a huge audience for this sicko's story.
That's not to say that I support this venture or am trying to excuse it. The audience that will most assuredly tune in and buy this book is where the problem lies.
I can't tell you how many e-mails I get from people Grrring anytime my colleague Roger Friedman writes a 411 column about Michael Jackson. However, guess which columns are some of his most-read ones?
Yup, the ones on Wacko Jacko.
The real Grrr is that in this country we do all kinds of extraordinary things. "Girls Gone Wild" is extremely profitable. The adult pornography industry is a $10 billion one.
The fact that a book like "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" becomes a best-seller -- it features the exploits of some guy who finds it entertaining to mistreat women -- is the reason O.J. still exists.
We cover him because you want us to. We all love train wrecks, no matter how gruesome they are, and O.J. Simpson is a train wreck to end all train wrecks.
The so-called "Trial of the Century" captivated our nation, and we are still captivated today. The fact that O.J. Simpson can even fathom writing such a book -- even if after we all buy it and it turns out to be not as billed -- is utterly ridiculous.
Imagine what it must be like for Simpson's kids. O.J. has no shame left.
This isn't the first time he's done such a horrible thing in regard to the brutal murders of Nicole and Ron. A few years back he tried to sell a white Bronco as the one he was famously chased in by L.A. police.
None of this will line O.J.'s pockets, however.
Any income aside from his NFL pension and his Social Security monies go directly to the Browns and the Goldmans in a $33 million civil court judgment.
So why does O.J. do it? Because collectively, we want him to. Grrr!