Grrr! You Are Clueless If ...

By definition, Oblivions are oblivious to their surroundings, so much so that they commit daily acts of infuriating cluelessness toward their fellow man.

Since Oblivions themselves read the Grrr column, often times e-mailing in their own Grrrs without realizing how absurd they are in their own complaints, I've come up with a list of things that might help Oblivions realize when they're being clueless.

I hope this helps.

— You are clueless if, no matter how cute you think your child is, you let him or her run rampant in restaurants because you think the other patrons deserve to see how cute your little darling is.

And this includes children who are indeed cute.

But you're not helping your cute kid any by encouraging him to try to be the center of attention all the time. He or she will have a hell of a time in the real world if they are taught at a very young age that the rules don't apply to them, simply because they are cute.

They will be spoiled and think that they don't need to work as hard as everyone else to get ahead, when the reality is they'll end up having to work that much harder to be taken seriously.

— You are clueless if you talk incessantly to your co-workers at the office, so much so that you become a distraction to them. Believe it or not, some people actually have work to do in the office, and stories about your dog, your kids, your husband or wife or the night out on the town are not as interesting to your co-workers as you mistakenly believe.

Here's a clue; if you think for a second that your co-workers might be busy, but then decide that it's OK because they like you, so you go ahead and tell your story anyway, you're an Oblivion.

— You are clueless if you think there's nothing wrong with the current rash of celebrity adoptions happening in third world countries. And don't think for a second that the big-bad media is to blame for all of Madonna's adoption problems.

Madonna has a staff of publicity professionals who more than likely are coaching Madonna daily on what she should or shouldn't say to the press. Each time you read a Madonna item, there's a publicity machine behind it.

Therefore, it would not be unreasonable to believe that Madonna's adoption woes are a product of her own overzealous publicity machine. It's funny how when Angelina Jolie adopted her children there weren't any cries of protest.

That's because Jolie followed the rules. She didn't make instant gratification a requirement in her adoption proceedings.

— You are clueless if you think that whatever is on your mind at the moment is the most important thing on someone else's mind too, unless of course you are the CEO of the company. How many times have you been in the middle of a huge project when you are contacted by someone who wants to know the ETA of their project?

No matter how small or even unimportant their little project is, to them it's the biggest thing in the world and they have to have it done now. Give your co-workers some consideration, folks. Don't be so clueless.

— You are clueless if you work in retail and you view shoppers as people who are preventing you from daydreaming, instead of looking at them as the reason you have a job. And on the flip side, you are clueless if you go shopping and think you can rummage through a neat pile of folded jeans and leave a mess, simply because you don't work there.

— You are clueless if you work as a helpline operator and you think your job is to get the person off the phone as soon as possible, without really helping them. Taking your caller through a bunch of BS troubleshooting steps doesn't do anything, and we all know it. On the flip side, you are clueless if you call the computer help people about a problem on your home PC from your cell phone, from your car! Ummm, you need to be in front of your computer before anyone can help you troubleshoot a problem.

— You are clueless if you use kindness to overcompensate for your own uselessness at the job. Being overly friendly as a defense mechanism only works for about one month after you meet a new co-worker or work with a new group of people at your office. No matter how nice you are, it won't hide how clueless you are at your job.

— You are clueless if you think it would be a good idea to throw a keg of beer into a fire, like someone did at a party in Connecticut over the weekend, killing one 22-year-old partygoer. What the hell kind of an Obliviot would do something so irresponsible? Of course, the defense for this clueless idiot will be that he or she didn't know that the keg would explode, and he'll get off with a slap on the wrist. But the next guy ...

— You are clueless if you jump on your alma mater's bandwagon as soon as the football team is all of sudden catapulted in the national consciousness. I haven't been to a Rutgers' football game in ten years, and I don't plan on rushing back to New Brunswick, NJ now that they're good.

I know that sometimes what I write is really jerky, but someone has to say it. It might as well be the Grrr! guy.

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