Forgetful Husbands Learn That Love Hurts

They say an elephant never forgets, and now your husband won't, either.

Scientists, apparently miffed about one too many forgotten anniversaries, have invented a ring that prevents even the most absent-minded men from forgetting about special occasions, reports.

How can a ring do what so many angry wives and mothers cannot?

It gets really hot. Seriously.

A microchip clock is programmed when the ring is purchased to heat the jewelry up the day before the wearer's anniversary … so unless he actually lost his finger, he won't have an excuse to forget.

The heat, which is created by a small thermal device, flashes ever hour in a 10-second burst — each warmer than the last up to 113 degrees.

Nothing Comes Between Fatty and His Burrito ... Except Maybe Jail

When Fatty wants his burrito, nobody — but NOBODY — can stop him.

Thomas Fatty, burrito bandit extraordinaire, was ambling the aisles of a 7-Eleven in Salt Lake City when employees say they saw him shoplifting some saucy snacks on the sly.

When they confronted him about it, he threatened them, saying he had a weapon, reports.

Cops say Fatty then tossed enough cash onto the counter for just one of the tasty tortilla treats and high-tailed it out of there.

But he didn't get far.

Police caught him in the alley behind the store, where he continued to munch away, despite the fact he was dining at gunpoint.

"It's strange that he would decide he needed to have the last bite of his burrito before he complied, when he had two officers pointing pistols at him," Lt. Dave Cracroft of the Salt Lake City Police Department said.

But in the end Fatty got his just desserts — he was booked into the county jail on suspicion of aggravated robbery.

Wanted: Insane Rich People With Way Too Much Time on Their Hands

CHICAGO (AP) — Police are searching for two parachutists who allegedly broke the law by jumping from a construction crane in downtown Chicago early Friday morning.

Security cameras caught the two as they floated to the ground close to Michigan Avenue. They then climbed into a gray Porsche SUV and drove away.

A police lieutenant says the city can't have people jumping off cranes.

It's the second such incident in a little over a week in the same area.

Last week, a security guard called Chicago police after spotting three people gliding to the ground at Cityfront Plaza Drive between the Tribune building and the NBC Tower.

If police do find the parachutists, they could face misdemeanor charges of criminal trespass to land.

And Now This From the "Brilliant Excuse There, Doofus" Department:

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa (AP) — A man who police say was caught with two pounds of marijuana allegedly told officers the drug wasn't his because he stole it.

Bradley Robison, 18, of Cedar Rapids, was charged with possession of marijuana with intent to deliver and failure to affix a drug tax stamp.

When police found him with the marijuana, he said he had stolen it from a nearby business that he had just broken into, court records show.

Linn County Attorney Harold Denton said it doesn't matter how Robison got the marijuana — only that he had it.

"If you steal it, you steal it and you possess it," Denton said. "It's a double whammy."

Robison was caught by officers after they saw him running from the area early Tuesday, police said.

A burglary charge was being considered but had not been immediately filed.

The investigation also led to a possession with intent to deliver charge being filed against Ruban Rivas, 36, for allegedly having the marijuana at the business that Robison broke into, court records show.

Both men were taken to jail but later released.

Hungry Idiot With Dirty Socks Gives New Meaning to Overstaying One's Welcome

BAKERSFIELD, Calif. (AP) — A burglar who made himself at home after a break-in overstayed his visit, police said.

Larcellus Angelo Scott, 23, had ordered a pizza and was doing a load of laundry Wednesday when Denise Bealessio returned home from work.

Bealessio, 51, arrived just as the pizza did. She turned the delivery driver away and was met inside the door by Scott.

Scott attacked, but Bealessio was able to escape unharmed. A neighbor called police, who found Scott rummaging through Bealessio's purse. He had written one of Bealessio's checks to pay for the pizza.

He was arrested on suspicion of burglary, robbery and forgery and was being held Friday in Kern County Jail in lieu of $85,000 bail.

Scott used to live next door, Bealessio said.

Compiled by's Taylor Timmins.

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