If you've been a sinner and are in search of redemption, Paramount Pictures and MTV Productions have the perfect penance just for you.
It's called "Jackass: Number Two," and it's painful.
Starring the original "Jackass," Johnny Knoxville ("Dukes of Hazzard"), a good-looking guy and a pretty good actor with a penchant for pain, he and his merry men go about pulling some of the dumbest and most dangerous stunts ever put to tape.
These guys, including the gleefully repugnant Steve-O, Bam Margera, Chris Pontius and Jason Acuna (aka "Wee Man"), blast themselves over a lake on crudely-made rockets (a misfire nearly kills Knoxville), skateboard face-first into walls, tease angry bulls and wrestle with deadly anaconda in what appears to be a McDonald's Playland.
But of all the self-inflicted torture these idiots put themselves through, the worst of all is saved for Steve-O.
This guy chugs a bottle of beer where the sun don't shine, barfs all over himself in what's called the fart chamber (use your imagination) and even pierces his cheek with a giant fish hook and then gets cast out into shark-infested waters in the gulf of Mexico.
I kid you not.
If you're not afraid of the vicarious pain this movie will put you through, there are some gems that will have you rolling, particularly when Wee Man sits on an electric stool to play cards with the guys (their version anyway) and can't seem to figure out why he's being shocked. It was so funny I'm laughing at the memory while I write this.
But most other scenes will have you shaking your head at the sheer idiocy of these stuntmen. You'll be stressed out, repulsed, stupefied and left wondering how you can get those 90 minutes of your life back.
Keeping It Reel?
If your kid announces he's going to see "Jackass: Number Two" at the movies this weekend, whip out those concert tickets, that Xbox 360, the weekend trip to Disney World — any amount of money is worth it to keep him from corrupting his mind with this garbage.