Attention Wal-Mart shoppers, we've got a freak on Aisle 3.
The next time you see a guy sprawled out on the floor of your local discount super-center performing an eccentric foot-licking "religious ritual" in the midst of a bunch of curtains, it's best to just back away slowly and forget it ever happened — that is, unless you're into that kind of thing.
One 80-year-old North Carolina woman found this out the hard way.
It all started when the woman, who was shopping at the Perry, N.C., Wal-Mart, accidentally stepped on the fingers of a man sitting on the floor of an aisle stocked with window treatments, The Charlotte Observer reports.
Police say when the lady politely apologized, the man told her he was conducting a religious ritual and needed her assistance. Undoubtedly shocked and a little confused, the women agreed and stood on the man's hands and — why not? — spit. At that point he began to slobber all over her feet.
Enter Jesse James, loss prevention officer. James came upon the bizarre bonanza, recognized the foot-licking fool from a photo warning of a similar occurrence at another store, and confronted the man.
The freaky foot fan told James that he was, in fact, performing a religious ritual and ran off.
"It's crazy ... really bizarre," Perry police Capt. Heath Dykes said.
The woman was left red-faced but unharmed.
"It was so bizarre that ... we're ... trying to find what code section applies," Dykes said. "We've entitled it public indecency at this time but we haven't had a chance to do the research on whether it would fall under any criminal act. It's definitely bizarre."
Thanks to Out There reader Angela P.
Your Honor, I'm Real Sorry for Stealing Computers (Yoink!) ... Again
NOVATO, Calif. (AP) — A man was convicted of various theft charges, after prosecutors say he stole computers from the courthouse while he was on trial for computer theft.
"It just amazed me that someone could be in the middle of a jury trial for a burglary involving computers and immediately get involved in another burglary at the Civic Center," said sheriff's Sgt. Jerry Niess.
Jon Houston Eipp, 39, of Novato pleaded guilty Monday in three separate cases involving 10 different charges, including burglary, theft, drug possession, attempted auto theft and more.
He could be facing nearly five years in prison when he is sentenced next month.
In an interview Monday night at the county jail, Eipp said he stole the computers "for personal reasons."
"I needed help, and I didn't know how to ask for help," he said. "And I guess, in my crazy way, that was my way of asking for help. Help with my drug problems, help with my sanity."
Dear Allen, Too Bad You're a Cowboys Fan. I'm Rebelling. — Gnomey
MORGANTOWN, W.Va. (AP) — Allen Snyder's garden gnome is still missing, but not forgotten.
The 14-inch tall red and white statue disappeared in the spring from Snyder's yard in Morgantown, West Virginia. Snyder has since received three letters from the gnome.
Gnomey has written home to tell his friend that he's been broadening his travels.
The latest letter, which Snyder received this week, included photos of the gnome in the company of Pittsburgh Steelers fans. Apparently Gnomey attended Pittsburgh's football home opener.
Snyder has no idea who's pulling this prank, but says his short list of suspects includes several gag-loving friends.
The story has even caught the attention of officials at Texas-based online travel agency Travelocity, which uses a roaming gnome in its advertising. Travelocity sent Snyder another gnome to keep him company until his returns home.
And Now This From the Man-Bites-Dog ... er ... Panda Department:
BEIJING (AP) — A drunken Chinese migrant worker jumped into a panda enclosure at the Beijing Zoo, was bitten by the bear and retaliated by chomping down on the animal's back, state media said Wednesday.
Zhang Xinyan, from the central province of Henan, drank four jugs of beer at a restaurant near the zoo before visiting Gu Gu the panda on Tuesday, the Beijing Morning Post said.
"He felt a sudden urge to touch the panda with his hand," and jumped into the enclosure, the newspaper said.
The panda, who was asleep, was startled and bit Zhang, 35, on the right leg, it said. Zhang got angry and kicked the panda, who then bit his other leg. A tussle ensued, the paper said.
"I bit the fellow in the back," Zhang was quoted as saying in the newspaper. "Its skin was quite thick."
Other tourists yelled for a zookeeper, who got the panda under control by spraying it with water, reports said. Zhang was hospitalized.
Newspaper photographs showed Zhang lying on a hospital bed with blood-soaked bandages and a seam of stitches running down his leg.
The Beijing Youth Daily quoted Zhang as saying that he had seen pandas on television and "they seemed to get along well with people."
"No one ever said they would bite people," Zhang said. "I just wanted to touch it. I was so dizzy from the beer. I don't remember much."
Ye Mingxia, a spokeswoman for the Beijing Zoo, confirmed the incident happened but would not give any details. She said Gu Gu was "healthy."
"We're not considering punishing him now," Ye said in a telephone interview. "He's suffered quite a bit of shock."
Compiled by FOXNews.com's Taylor Timmins.
Got a good "Out There" story in your hometown? We would like to know about it. Send an e-mail with a Web link (we need to authenticate these things) to email@example.com.