One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, door!

Look out, boozehounds. If the brewskis are getting the best of you while you’re imbibing at your favorite watering hole, don't be surprised if the party patrol cries foul, red card style.

It seems some sports-savvy bars in New Zealand have implemented a system of yellow and red cards akin to those issued by soccer refs worldwide to curb the boozy behavior of big drinkers, The New Zealand Herald reports.

"If you're giving them the red card you're saying, 'I'm sorry, you are too affected by alcohol for us to serve you any more or have you on the premises. I'm afraid you're going to have to go,'" Hospitality Association chief executive Bruce Robertson said.

A yellow card serves as a warning to drinkers teetering on the brink of boorishness, sending them to the sidelines for a bit to get it together for the next round.

But champions of the chug-a-lug can rest easy in the knowledge that if red card offenders leave with good grace, they’re entitled to come back and present their card another time for a drink on the house.

Robertson says the plan seems to be working, but cautions bartenders and staff against over-zealous revelers treating the system as a challenge of sorts.

"There's always that potential — 'I'm going for a reddie tonight'," Robertson said.

But Jason Deans, managing director of Trinity Group which has several bars using the system, says that for the most part, the cards have been well-received by most patrons, working as a way to lighten the mood in what can otherwise be a tenuous situation for staff.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to Masterstroke Theatre

BERLIN (AP) — A burglar who feigned death after he was caught stealing a computer in northern Germany displayed a "masterstroke of acting," police said Tuesday.

The 51-year-old sneaked into a company in the town of Hildesheim late Monday and tried to make off with a computer when the owner discovered him and called the police.

The man had fled into the boiler room, where they found him lying on the floor, police said in a statement. He had a pulse, but was not responding to their commands, so they called an ambulance.

Only after a doctor tried to insert a tube into the burglar's trachea to reanimate him, did he suddenly open his eyes and begin speaking.

He was diagnosed with a "masterstroke of acting" and charged with breaking and entering and attempted burglary, police said.

Conger Cuddling a Little Less ... Um ... Cuddly Than It Sounds

LONDON (AP) — For more than 30 years, crowds have flocked to the small English fishing village of Lyme Regis to watch an annual tradition — two teams of fishermen standing on wooden platforms as human bowling pins, hurling a dead giant eel at each other.

But the ritual was abruptly abandoned after an animal rights activist threatened to draw negative publicity to the latest tournament, organizers said Saturday.

The practice, known as conger cuddling, is the annual highlight in the small coastal town about 155 miles southwest of London. The object of the game is to knock the opposing team off the platform by swinging a 25-pound eel at them.

Crowds have flocked to Lyme Regis since 1974 to watch rival teams of nine men swing the giant conger eel — suspended in the harbor by a rope — and local residents said they are dismayed at the demise of their historic event.

Andrew Kaye, a resident and spokesman for the Lyme Regis lifeboat crews who raise money through the tournament, said an anonymous e-mailer had called the practice disrespectful to the dead eel.

The lone activist threatened to film the contest to attract adverse media attention, Kaye said.

"We decided that it really wasn't worth upsetting anybody by going ahead with using a dead conger," Kaye said. "But it's a dead conger, for Pete's sake. I shouldn't think the conger could care one way or another."

He said fishermen often accidentally catch the creatures in their nets, deep-freeze them and defrost them in preparation for the tournament.

Ron Bailey, a fishing boat skipper, said the tournament is meant as a wet, carnival-like event which usually raises about $5,600 for Royal National Lifeboat Institution lifeboat crews.

About 300 people attended an alternative event on Friday night. But the boat dock fender that participants used paled in comparison to being struck by a dead eel, Bailey said.

Your Evil, Thieving, Entirely Unrelated Twin Needs a Drink

WESTLAKE, Ohio (AP) — A bar waitress checking to see if a customer was legally old enough to drink looked down to see a familiar photo.

It was her own.

The 22-year-old waitress, whose name was not released, called police last week and said she had been handed her own stolen driver's license by a woman trying to prove she was 21.

The woman, who became suspicious of the delay as the waitress went to call police, fled the Moosehead Saloon, but her companion provided her name.

Maria Bergan, 23, of Lakewood, was charged Sunday night with identity theft and receiving stolen property. She was arrested at her home in suburban Cleveland.

The waitress said she had lost her wallet July 9 at a bar in Lakewood.

"The odds of this waitress recovering her own license defy calculation," police Capt. Guy Turner said Monday.

Thanks to Out There readers Shannon O., John C., Scott K. and Aaron M.

Shaming Their Families, One 'Zany' 'Hoot' at a Time

GORHAM, Maine (AP) — Town residents hoping to make their way into the "Guinness World Records" donned Groucho Marx-style disguises — 1,489 altogether.

The number of people wearing the glasses with oversized nose, eyebrows and mustache at the Gorham Family Fair surpassed the record held by a rugby league in Australia by 52, said Cindy Hazelton, director of Gorham Recreation.

"You get these zany ideas and you throw it out there, and you never know how people are going to respond," Hazelton said. "I think it's just a hoot."

The town considered other records including simultaneous tooth-brushing before opting to take the Groucho route to fame.

Using donated money, the Recreation Department ordered 2,016 sets of glasses, at 81 cents each. On Sunday, people attending the family fair put on the disguises when an official gave the word over the public-address system.

The previous record stood at 1,437 disguises. It was set on June 4, 2005, by members of the Toukley Hawks Junior Rugby League in the Australian state of New South Wales.

Compiled by FOXNews.com's Taylor Timmins.

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