If I were a billionaire, I'd be Mark Cuban.
After all, Cuban is a better Grrr! guy than I am. OK, maybe not better at Grrring, but richer anyway.
I think that if I had enough money to own my very own high definition television network, I'd take the Grrr! to the wide screen, and order up an eye-light so that my green eyes are always visible and sexy.
But that's just me.
Cuban is content to Grrr the referees, the NBA and the sports media to their faces and on his blog, but not so much on his own network. Regardless, I say, "Hear, Hear!"
Mark Cuban is not afraid to say what's on his mind or to tell it like it is.
He's not afraid to tell a reporter, "You know what, that was a really stupid question."
To me, he's a breath of fresh air. Cuban is among a very short list of important rich guys who actually take the time to get back to reporters quickly and succinctly.
The other guy is Donald Trump — another guy not too busy to return a call, like when I asked him after "Rather-Gate" if he'd fire Rather if the Danster were a contestant on "The Apprentice."
According to Cuban's blog this week, after his Dallas Mavericks dropped the NBA championship series to the Miami Heat, he told reporters in the locker room he would be happy to answer questions if they had good ones to ask.
"I told them I would if they asked good questions and didn't ask the same clichéd questions they had asked after other games. It was interesting how quiet everyone got.
"Then someone asked, 'Is this your worst loss ever?' What the [expletive] kind of question is that? Is this for a VH1 special? 'Worst Losses Ever?' If it was, then maybe it was a decent question. Otherwise, how do you answer that question?"
You see, that's hilarious. So many times reporters throw up softballs in order to get the subject talking. We do that to get quotes for print and soundbites for television and radio, and we do it often.
Just the other day I asked actor Stanley Tucci — a guy I completely respect as an actor — if he thought a reaction he gave as Nigel, a magazine stylist he plays in the upcoming "The Devil Wears Prada," was a realistic one.
Me: The scene where Nigel finds out that he's not going to be president of Massimo's company. It was very subtle the way you played that. Was it directed that way or was that your choice?
Tucci: No, that was my choice and then David liked it and made adjustments periodically.
Me: It was pretty realistic, though, the way you reacted, don't you think?
Tucci: I hope so. Yeah, I hope so (he's kind of rolling his eyes here).
Me: That was kind of a dumb question.
Tucci: Yeah, that's all right.
Me: Well you stink as an actor, don't you Stanley?
Tucci: Ha ha, yeah, what do you say? It was realistic? I wasn't going for realism (dripping with sarcasm).
Duh! OK, not too embarrassing, but Tucci's a good sport so he didn't throw me out of the room.
I'm all for being challenged. Writing a column called Grrr!, I need to be able to take it as much as or more than I dish it out.
When I run into Kevin Federline at an Ashlee Simpson block party, I've got to be prepared when he confronts me about calling him a slacker and hanger-on. At the same barbecue, if Paris Hilton happens to recognize my name she might slap me in the face for writing about her amateur Internet porn career (not even good if you ask me), and of course, Ashlee Simpson's bodyguards would escort me out (ever so gently) once the lip-synching jig dancer finds out I've crashed her shindig.
The point is, Mark Cuban is a breath of fresh air.
You see, he doesn't really have to answer to anybody. If Tom Cruise decides someone asked him a stupid, cliché question, well, since Paramount is paying him a lot of money and his image in "M:I:3" is what they're paying him for, he's probably going to suck it up and answer the same-old sorry question.
He wouldn't want to jeopardize any of that box office mojo by arguing with reporters, now would he?
But Cuban doesn't have to, and that's his beauty.