No one’s ever going to accuse this guy of being a smooth criminal.

Paul Stein, an Indiana inmate, was taken to the Montgomery County jail on a public intoxication charge, the Associated Press reports.

But instead of just sobering up in his cell with the rest of the sots, Stein concocted a devious plan for a drunken getaway.

He managed to open up a hatch in his holding cell and apparently planned to shimmy his way through the ceiling to freedom.

As fate would have it, the hapless Stein was a few brewskis too heavy for the unsteady ceiling panel, and he came crashing down to the floor — landing just feet from the jailers in the lobby of the lockup.

"His feet came through first," said Montgomery County Sheriff Dennis Rice.

Stein faces an additional preliminary charge of escape for his antics.

Thanks to Out There reader Katie M.

Lots of People Go for That Long ... We Call Them Doctors

WHITEWATER, Wis. (AP) — Despite his 12 years as an undergraduate student, Johnny Lechner realized something was missing from his academic record: he'd never studied abroad.

And so, the 29-year-old perpetual student who was expected to finally graduate from the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater withdrew his application for graduation Monday, five days before commencement.

"I realized that if I went one more year, I could study abroad," Lechner said. "That's one thing I haven't done."

Lechner's extended academic career has made him a celebrity of sorts. His never-ending student life has been featured in newspapers and on network television shows, not to mention campus publications across the nation.

By this spring he had completed 234 college credits, or about 100 more than needed to graduate, and was taking seven more.

That qualified him for the so-called "slacker tax," instituted this school year by the UW Board of Regents to help cover the state subsidy for students who stay long past the usual four of five years to earn an undergraduate degree.

It calls for students who exceed 165 total credit hours or 30 more than their degree programs require — whichever is higher — to pay double tuition.

Lechner said he didn't start out to be a long-term student, but it just developed once he realized how much fun he was having at college.

Had he graduated, he would have earned a liberal studies degree in education, communications, theater, health and women's studies.

Michelle Eigenberger, an editor at The Royal Purple, said Lechner may have achieved celebrity status, but most students are tired of it.

"It's getting old," she said. "For the sanity of the rest of the campus, we want him to get out of here."

Have a Cookie, Miss Wehateyouverymuch

SKOWHEGAN, Maine (AP) — A 43-year-old woman is charged with helping her daughter and two other teenage girls bake cookies laced with a laxative that were then given to a teacher.

Julie Hunt appeared in Skowhegan District Court on Monday and pleaded innocent to a charge of misdemeanor assault.

Hunt was arrested Friday after a police investigation into the attempted prank at Carrabec Community School in Anson that sickened four seventh- and eighth-grade children.

The cookies, which were baked with Ex-Lax, were left on the teacher's desk on April 10 with a note saying, "We made these cookies just for you, hope you enjoy them."

According to a police affidavit, Hunt told the girls how to crush the laxative pills and mix them in with the cookie batter. The girls, who are 13 and 14, used an entire box of pills, the affidavit says.

Mary Adley, the principal of the school, called police on April 24 after hearing two girls talking about the incident.

Maine State Police Lt. Dale Lancaster said that the girls were not facing criminal charges. The affidavit said all three girls were suspended by school officials.

But Hunt's involvement could not be overlooked, Lancaster said.

"If you assist children with perpetrating these kinds of crimes, you will be charged," he said.

Thanks to Out There reader Lou G.

Cookies Not Your Thing? How 'Bout Some Nice Hot Tea?

HOT SPRINGS, Ark. (AP) — Two students were charged with insult or abuse to a teacher after allegedly putting a laxative in tea that two teachers drank before the prank was uncovered.

Harry Lee Keek and Bradley William Parham, both 18, were cited with a misdemeanor count, police said Monday. The two face a hearing May 16 in Hot Springs District Court; two others also could be charged.

The Lakeside High School seniors are accused of tampering with the tea as a prank. Two teachers drank the tea and suffered from cramps afterward.

Police Cpl. Chris Chapmond said Monday that the charge is punishable by a fine ranging from $100 to $1,500 in addition to any disciplinary action taken by school officials.

According to a police report, Parham bought the laxative and Keek shook the tea to blend it in. The two others believed to be involved will likely be cited this week, Chapmond said.

Gonna Have to Face It You're Addicted to Stupid

CHESTERTON, Ind. (AP) — A 17-year-old boy who police said asked a friend to hit him with a car "for fun" was still hospitalized Tuesday with a broken leg.

Michael Morris, a junior at Chesterton High School, was in fair condition at Porter hospital, spokeswoman Robin Carlascio said.

His friend, Stephen D. Domonkos, 18, told police that Morris on Saturday night asked him to hit him with his car, something they had done before. He told police that Morris was "an adrenaline junkie."

Domonkos was driving about 25 mph when the car hit Morris, shattering the windshield, in the parking lot of a Chesterton restaurant where Domonkos works.

Domonkos was charged with felony criminal recklessness. If convicted, he could face six months to three years in jail.

"I won't do this no more," Morris of Chesterton told The Times of Munster.

'It Takes a Big Man to Swing a Pink Bat'

LOUISVILLE, Ky. (AP) — Hulking Jim Thome. Rugged Manny Ramirez. Brawny Adam Dunn. "The thought of these big macho men, swinging pink bats to help women with breast cancer ... what a novel idea," Louisville Slugger president John Hillerich said Tuesday.

Major League Baseball granted special permission for players to use the colorful bats — baby pink, at that — for Mother's Day. They're part of a weeklong program to raise money for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.

Derek Jeter, David Eckstein and Marcus Giles are among dozens of players who intend to try them Sunday. This is the first time pink has been approved for bats — dyed at the Louisville Slugger factory, they're usually black, brown, reddish or white.

Kevin Mench was among several Texas players who wanted their mother's names burned on the bats. The Rangers slugger, who homered in seven straight games earlier this season, also planned to have a bat for his grandmother, who died from breast cancer.

Howard Smith, senior vice president for licensing for MLB, said the idea for the pink bats struck a chord with commissioner Bud Selig and other executives. The question was how many players would use the sticks.

"It takes a big man to swing a pink bat in a major league game," Smith said.

More than 400 bats were being made for 50-plus players. David Ortiz, Jim Edmonds, Mark Teixeira, Michael Young and Hank Blalock were also on the list.

"The response has been phenomenal," Hillerich said.

Compiled by FOXNews.com's Taylor Timmins.

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