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Equal Under the Law?

Dear Friends of "FOX & Friends,"

Hope your weekend was a good one and you're ready to start the workweek.

I had a great Saturday, until my next door neighbor called and asked if I could help her for "a couple of minutes." Nine hours and one pulled hamstring later, I had my neighbor lady's garden hose caddy hooked up to the back of her house. It was one of those things where the pieces don't fit EXACTLY and, in fact, the instructions suggested the assembler (moi) use a "rubber hammer" if parts don't slide in. I used the "rubber hammer" so much I was ready for the "rubber room." But it was fine in the long run (after three Advil), because my neighbor needed the help of a strong man. Since there was no strong man nearby, I was the substitute. Besides, as I turned toward my house at dusk last night, she came out and presented me with a cake! Had I known there was a pastry involved, I would have been whacking my rubber hammer three days earlier.

For both of today's "You Choose the News" segments — where we let you select one of three topics for us to go "in depth" upon in the next hour — you selected immigration. With protests over the weekend (while I was pounding) and more slated for today, this is something that everybody has an opinion upon. This morning, we had one of the rally organizers from Washington. When I asked, "How many illegals would go home if ordered to do so by Congress if they wanted to apply for citizenship?" he refused to answer. Instead, he said he had a problem with my use of the term "illegal" because in his words, "They're not illegal, they have civil rights, they're people." He's right, they are people, but if they are here in this country illegally, their rights are not the same as legal citizens.

In Montgomery County, Maryland, a school district is allowing students to take the day off from school AND GET CLASS CREDIT, if they attend a pro-illegal immigrant rally. However the district will not allow students to take the day off and get class credit for going to a rally that is anti-illegal immigration. Is that fair? I don't think so.

Finally, on our question regarding the loveable lexicon of the Australian language, we wondered, "If a mate is a guy, what's the female version?" ("Matie," which would rhyme with Katie?) Luckily, we immediately got an answer from an expert: a guy who bused tables at the Outback Steakhouse. He reminded us that the restrooms at Outback have the silhouette of a man with the inscription "Bloke" and the female facility reads "Sheila."

"Mate," as it turns out, means friend and can be used with their sex. At least that's the verdict from a man who's dedicated his life to cleaning up half-eaten Bloomin' Onions professionally. If we can't get an opinion from Paul Hogan, the Outback guy seems like a bona fide expert to me.

Have a great day, and we'll see you tomorrow on "FOX & Friends."

Steve Doocy,
Broadcast bloke

Start your weekends with "FOX & Friends Weekend" at 7 a.m. ET and send your comments to: insider@foxnews.com