You've Been a Very Naughty Accountant

Love hurts — especially when you've been a bad boy and you're a glutton for punishment.

Abraham Alexander, the former accountant for a charity for heart disease research, pleaded guilty to stealing more than $237,000 of the organization's funds to pay a dominatrix to beat him.

Alexander used company credit cards and wrote checks to himself to pay for his exotic taste in entertainment, the Associated Press reports.

According to the district attorney's office, at least $11,000 of the charity's cash went directly to an online business called Through the Looking Glass, which is run by Lady Sage, a dominatrix based out of Ohio. Other charges included flights and car rentals to and from the house of pain.

A judge says Alexander will get two to six years in prison, but she could lessen the sentence if he's willing to endure some pain in the pocketbook instead — the more he pays back, the shorter his time in the slammer.

Thanks to Out There reader Les K.

Ain't No Party Like a Wal-Mart Party

DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — For spring break, some college students set out for sun-drenched beaches or cheap European cities. Skyler Bartels headed for the local Wal-Mart.

Bartels, 20, an aspiring writer and Drake University sophomore, thought he'd spend a week in a Wal-Mart as a test of endurance, using it as the premise for a magazine article. His college adviser liked the idea.

"I just intuitively thought, 'This is brilliant!'" said Carol Spaulding-Kruse, an associate professor of English. "I wasn't quite sure why, but it just sounded like a really good idea."

For 41 hours, Bartels wandered the aisles of a Wal-Mart Supercenter in Windsor Heights that's open 24 hours a day. He checked out shoppers, read magazines, watched movies on the DVD display and played video games.

He bought meals at the in-store Subway sandwich shop, but was able to catch only brief naps in a restroom stall or on lawn chairs in the garden department.

Other shoppers and employees didn't pay much attention until the end of his stay, he said, when it appeared some store greeters began to take notice — pointing at him and whispering.

A shift manager approached him and asked him if he was finding everything he needed.

"He said, `Didn't I see you over by the magazines, like, five hours ago?' I told him, 'Maybe,'" Bartels said.

Tiring to the point of hallucinating, Bartels said he decided to go home before he was thrown out.

Wal-Mart Stores Inc. spokesman Kevin Thornton said Bartels neither violated store policy nor broke the law.

"We were unaware of his presence and if we were aware of it we certainly wouldn't have condoned it," Thornton said. "We're a retailer, not a hotel."

Nothing Says I Love You Like a Severed Limb on the Porch

GREEN BAY, Wis. (AP) — A report of what appeared to be a "severed hand" carried home by a pet dog created a short-lived news media sensation — until police announced it was a lion's paw from a local taxidermist's shop.

The initial report raised speculation that the remains found by the chocolate Labrador retriever named Nestle might be traced to one of the city's missing persons cases.

But the speculation ended late Tuesday afternoon when police said that a local taxidermist had the lion's paw at his business and a relative took it home and hung it on a fence to dry. The dog apparently knocked it down and brought it to his home.

"I mean, this is much ado about nothing," police Capt. Greg Urban said late Tuesday as he hurriedly explained what happened. "I'm working on an armed robbery case now."

Still, Kelly Kaisershot said her dog created a "big shock" when he dropped the severed limb by the back door and her three teenage children found it as they headed out for school Monday. She was already at work.

"They called me and said, 'There's a problem here,'" she said Tuesday evening.

She estimated the 8-year-old Nestle had only been gone about 15 minutes before returning with his find.

"It looked like a human hand, I thought," Kaisershot said, describing it as off-white in color, with skin but no hair and no thumb to go with what looked like four fingers.

She sounded unconvinced it was a lion's paw.

"To me, it just seems strange," she said, "but as long as we're going that direction, fine."

You and Me and the Baby Makes ... Six?

COOS BAY, Ore. (AP) — Best friends since fifth grade, Tasha Riddle and Raquel Mitola are both pregnant.

They're both having twins. They experienced morning sickness and their feet became sore at the same time. They even share the same due date: June 7.

So what else could they have in common? The four babies — three girls and a boy — have the same parents: Riddle and her husband, John.

After seven years of trying unsuccessfully to have a baby, the Riddles accepted Mitola's offer to act as a surrogate mother. Then, unexpectedly, Riddle got pregnant as well.

"We had expected to have one baby for years, and now we're gonna have four!" John Riddle told the Coos Bay newspaper, The World. "But the real exciting time will come in a couple of months."

Tasha Riddle had undergone numerous in-vitro fertilizations and miscarried 11 times. The couple estimate they've spent $25,000 in the past few years trying to have a child.

After the last miscarriage, their fertility specialist suggested they consider a surrogate parent because it was unlikely Riddle would ever carry a baby to term.

It was their final attempt at parenthood. Both women, 35, were implanted with embryos.

Mitola, who has two children of her own, said she is happy to help her friend experience motherhood.

"We always said we wanted to raise our kids together. So it's kind of funny how things work out," Tasha Riddle said. "Now we're having my babies together."

All I Have in My Bag Is a Pencil and Some Coins

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — John Suhrhoff found a Louis Vuitton bag on a Sausalito park bench.

Inside, police say, were a 12-carat diamond ring, pearl and emerald jewelry, a Cartier watch and roughly $500 in cash. The contents were worth $1 million.

But the respiratory therapist didn't think of heading to a pawn shop — he took the bag to police Monday afternoon.

The bag is now en route to a Toronto family who had been in northern California for a wedding.

"Every person I know or associate with would have done the same thing," Suhrhoff, 56, said Tuesday. "I'm glad to be able to help."

The Canadian family told the Marin Independent Journal they were sightseeing Sunday in Sausalito, a tourist hub known for its waterfront views of San Francisco.

Shahla Ghannadian briefly left her husband in charge of the purse, which contained jewelry she wore at the wedding.

Ghannadian realized the bag was gone when she returned to her San Francisco hotel. The family went to police and didn't have any luck — and were told chances were slim the bag would be returned.

"You have to be a real man to return that bag," Ghannadian's son Ali told the paper. "Even the bag is expensive. We're really, really thankful to that guy."

Sausalito police said Suhrhoff had thought the bag contained costume jewelry.

It was unclear whether the family offered him a reward.

Compiled by's Taylor Timmins.

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