Robert Payne isn’t the kind of man to sit around and leave his displeasures unvoiced … or unseen.

When Payne became concerned about the number of people fornicating in the Cape Coral Yacht Club’s overflow parking lot next to his house in Cape Coral, Fla., he did what any other law-abiding citizen would do — he gathered up the used condoms, tied them to sticks and stuck them in the garden in front of the sign welcoming people to the park, The News-Press reports.

Payne’s statement, a response to growing anger over the X-rated litter and other questionable activities going on in and around his stomping grounds, did not go unnoticed.

The mayor said he was aware of the problem, but called Payne’s inventive horticultural activities “repulsive.”

Payne, in an e-mail to city officials, said he was just acting in the best interest of his community:

"I wanted to do my part as a concerned law-abiding citizen by removing the beautiful blue rubbers from the parking lot, but I was unsure what to do with them because they represent a biohazard waste product that should be properly disposed of.

"So to help you and your hazardous waste team out, I stuck each of them with a stick and planted them on Driftwood Drive in front of the welcome sign to the Yacht Club. There they hang tonight, flying in the breeze as a proud symbol of our freedom and the great traditions of Cape Coral. Much like our beloved flag."

City employees are reported to have removed the condoms and placed them in biohazard bags. Police are investigating the incident, but no decision has been made about whether Payne will be issued a citation for his dirty garden.

Meet Rodney Covington, Walking Cliche

It was a crime the clerks at the Kash n' Karry won’t soon forget.

Rodney Covington probably looked like any of the other customers at the supermarket … if it weren’t for the 12-inch pepperoni stick he was hiding in his shorts.

The St. Petersburg Times of St. Petersburg, Fla., reports that Covington, 34, got past all the registers at the Kash n’ Karry before he was confronted by the store’s manager who asked him to lift up his shirt.

According to the Sheriff’s Office report, Covington complied, thus “exposing the pepperoni stick” — and a one-pound block of pepper jack cheese — stuffed in his drawers.

But Covington said that he had the food in his britches because he hurt his hand and couldn’t bear to carry a basket, and that he fully intended to pay for the goods. Indeed. He was escorted to the Hernando County Jail on retail theft charges.

Value of Covington’s stolen meat and cheese: $6.49.

Value of related jokes (inevitably in poor taste) about his plight: Priceless.

Never Come Between a Man and His Crackers ... NEVER

PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) — A maintenance man was just doing his job when he threw away some crackers left in the hallway of a Providence apartment building.

But he says the owner of the crackers got so angry that he tried to shoot him.

Joseph Perry told police that Robert Blais was keeping the crackers in the hallway to feed to birds or squirrels.

He says the 69-year-old Blais became enraged last Thursday when Perry threw them out.

He allegedly pulled a gun and pulled the trigger — but the gun misfired. After a struggle, Perry says he was able to run away and call the police.

Police say it's very unusual for a gun to misfire.

Blais was charged with assault with a dangerous weapon.

Only Thing Worse Than a Speed Trap Is One That Thinks It Isn't

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) — After motorist T. Allen Morgan got a speeding ticket in Coopertown — a town known for its heavy-handed traffic enforcement — he tried to pay his ticket like a good citizen.

But he added a little note on his check, which angered Mayor Danny Crosby. The mayor refused to accept the check, sparking the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation to launch an investigation Monday.

Crosby told Morgan that he had to either write another check that didn't have the words "for speed trap" written in bold letters or face the charges in traffic court.

At the request of District Attorney General John Carney, the TBI is investigating if Crosby acted illegally by denying Morgan's payment, TBI spokeswoman Jennifer Johnson said.

"As mayor of this city, if I accept that check from that gentleman, I'm admitting we run a speed trap, and that's a bald-faced lie," Crosby said Tuesday.

Coopertown lies about 20 miles northwest of Nashville on a state highway used by motorists to travel between interstates 24 and 65. The town generates nearly 30 percent of its revenue from traffic tickets.

Last month AAA officials said the automobile association was considering adding Coopertown to its list of national "strict enforcement areas," an honor shared by only seven other cities.

'Just Kidding' Isn't Gonna Cut It, Kiddo

WILLISTON, N.D. (AP) — A man wearing a ski mask walked into a bank and demanded money, then told tellers, "just kidding," authorities said.

Ryan Wright, 20, surrendered to police Monday night, said Sgt. Mark Hanson, a Williston police detective. Wright was formally charged Tuesday.

Judge David Nelson set his bail at $1,000 and ordered Wright to stay away from alcohol and bars. A preliminary hearing was set for March 21, court officials said.

"He never showed a weapon, but the tellers got quite scared and concerned and thought the worst," Hanson said.

No customers were in the bank at the time of the Feb. 17 incident, he said. Wright then went about his banking business, taking some money from his checking account and then leaving.

If convicted, Wright faces up to five years in jail and a $5,000 fine.

"You don't walk into a bank with a ski mask and say 'Give me all your money,'" Hanson said. "It's just like going on an airplane and saying you have a bomb."

Compiled by FOXNews.com's Taylor Timmins.

Got a good "Out There" story in your hometown? We'd like to know about it. Send an e-mail with a Web link (we need to authenticate these things) to outthere@foxnews.com.